There’s more in this week’s Savage Love. To read the whole column, go to Wild.Love.
Dear Dan: I am a 38 year old cis het woman who is also a public high school teacher in a small town. After a series of unsatisfying relationships in my twenties, I realized that I had only experienced sexual pleasure without a partner. Despite being turned on by the idea of couple sex, once there’s a dick in me, I hate it.
Only one thing still seemed appealing: receiving oral sex. I’d love it with someone competent. At 33, I gave up dating because finding a partner only interested in fucking me seemed both impossible and selfish. I put all my energy into my career, my family and my community. After years of fighting fascism taking hold in our public schools, I’m exhausted and my usual self-care routines aren’t enough. I plan to seek company again. Is there an easy way to find a partner who is interested in eating me but not (or rarely) anything else? I know the best options are the apps, but there are parents as well as alumni on these. I already have a target on my back as a liberal teacher. I can’t afford to get caught looking for sex online and the time and energy to date before disclosing my sexual preferences seems exhausting. I don’t want another apple-themed gift. I want my pussy to be licked.
– Teacher after cunnilingus only
Dear TACO: Why would anyone want to be a teacher these days?
Outraged parents, shitty salaries, shittier governors, racist demagoguery, book bans, ‘don’t say gay’ laws…and on top of it all, not being free to seek sex where everything the world is doing it these days — on apps — because you might get spotted by a parent who also looks for sex on apps then getting attacked at a school board meeting that makes local news and goes viral, then has to endure a month of death threats after being trolled on Libs of TikTok and Fox News.
According to ABC News, fewer and fewer people want to become teachers. There are currently 300,000 vacancies for teachers and school staff in the United States, a situation that Washington Post described as “catastrophic”, with red states and Trump counties seeing the worst shortages. Which shouldn’t surprise anyone who’s been paying attention, because red states and rural areas are being invaded by precisely the kind of deranged supporters of Trump and other assorted conspiracy theorists who continue to attack teachers, librarians and school administrators.
But there are also teacher shortages in more progressive places, TACO, which means you could easily find a job in a big city in a blue state. Not only would you be less likely to be spotted on apps by a parent with a child at your school in a blue state (because there are a lot more people on apps in big cities), but you’d also be a lot less likely to be attacked by a parent who has spotted you on an application. (Less likely to get attacked, more likely to get licked.) And just like blue state governors think you should be able to teach, oh, slavery, redlining and segregation and Jim Crow (and the law of Chinese exclusion and Japanese internment camps during WWII and the Trail of Tears and so on), most blue state governors would be fine with you having your pussy licked – at your own pace, by other adults willing – if that’s what you want.
Hoping to get advice from other teachers, I shared your email on Twitter. Suggestions ranged from accessing FetLife, which can be a problematic place, to checking out – and possibly posting – the r/RandomActsOfMuffDive subreddit on Reddit. And more than a few of my followers have wondered if you’d prefer a woman over a man, seeing as you’ve never really liked dick.
Being a gay guy, however, I know a lot of people who are attracted to men but don’t like getting laid. (Some guys are tops, some are sides.) Lucky for you, TACO, there are straight and bi men out there who just want to eat pussy. I’ve heard dozens of them over the years. Some suffered from severe erectile dysfunction and preferred successful cunnilingus to unsuccessful vaginal intercourse; others were heterosexual submissive men who wanted to orally serve a woman without getting anything in return; and more than a few were men who liked to eat pussy and who somehow married women who hated oral sex and these men wanted to find women to get off – and just get off – outside of their relationships, with their wife’s permission (in some cases) or without her (in most cases).
But to find them, you’re going to have to access the apps, TACO, which might mean getting out of your small town.
Gay kinky sub here and after quite a few years of meeting guys in bars, online, on apps, etc., I wonder if there is…