Friday, November 25 2022


sex lives chronicles the development of a person’s sexual history. This week: Solomon, 31, from Houston.

I was in sixth grade, I lived in South Africa, and I was on a bus coming home from a football match. We were only three on the bus. I had never jerked off then – or even really heard of masturbation – but the others started telling me about it, that it was supposed to be so good. They challenged me to do it, and I was the new kid in school and they were both popular kids and I guess I just wanted to fit in? So I started doing it. I pulled my dick out and it was just me and these two other boys – I did it for maybe 10 seconds and nothing happened, it was just a little weird. We all laughed and were dropped off.

Later that night I came home and was still so curious that I tried it, and I was able to come at that time. It was my first time here and it was like an out of body experience. It was good but it was just felt then weird.

I didn’t lose my virginity until freshman year of college, but I had done a lot of other things before that. All of my very close friends had all had sex before college, and so it was one of my goals to try and finally lose my virginity when I got to college. It took me a while. Maybe because I was pushing too hard for that. Or a combination of that and I just wasn’t so suave – a little uncomfortable with relationships and sex back then. Very wet behind the ears. I was definitely a late bloomer.

When I finally lost my virginity, it felt like such an accomplishment, something I was so happy to do. I remember I was so obsessed with the girl I finally lost my virginity to and she was definitely looking for something casual. We worked out at the college gym together and we were friends and we met one night at a party and then it happened and then I wanted to hang out with her and go on dates and stuff and she was like “Bro, I don’t feel like doing all that. I had just been so excited and wanted to do it again because it was so awesome.

I’m in a state now where I want to be more laid back in terms of the types of people I see. I got out of a four year relationship during the pandemic and after that moved to a few different cities before coming to Houston. I was kind of living my life on the road – trying, I guess, to put pieces of my life back together. There was some crazy bullshit going on with my family, so when I got to Houston, I had time to go to therapy and really try to understand myself better, do some self-reflection and healing. I thought I was finally ready to start dating again and wanted to take the approach of casually starting something serious. I haven’t seriously dated anyone since my last relationship; I have been close several times. The more I see different women, the more I realize that I still don’t know exactly what I want. I want more time to kind of be alone and understand myself better, understand what it means to love, because that’s ultimately what I want for myself.

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