Friday, November 25 2022

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ALWAYS APPLY AFTER

A. It seems that dating apps give you the worst kind of dating fatigue. It’s great you know. (Yay for self-awareness.)

That said, if you’re really worried about meeting people and want to be on apps for that convenience (as opposed to the rush), there are options for less stimulation. Some apps are designed to limit your browsing options to a few people per day. Last time I checked, Coffee Meets Bagel was one of them. In real life, at a party, you wouldn’t rate 40-100 people as potential dates. Maybe you would talk to a few people and move on. It’s a small rush. If you can replicate this experience online, it might be better for your brain. Look for apps that set boundaries for you.

Remember that people meet in real life. This is a great time to tell people you’re open to setups. Maybe team up with a few friends and think of ways to introduce yourself to new people in your larger communities.

It can also help focus on an activity you enjoy and expand your world, even with friends. It’s a great feeling — doing something fun in good company. Sometimes it leads to more.

MEREDITH

READERS REACT:

Dating apps are exhausting everyone. I think it’s a lot easier to meet people organically when you’re in college or right out of college so maybe you could focus more on expanding your circles of friends or about participating in activities you actually enjoy. If you feel you must use the apps, I suggest you limit yourself to just one of them.

SURFERROSA

I’m too old and married too long to know anything about dating apps, but I’m going to share what a young guy near me did, and it sounds like a great idea. He is 30 years old, single, lives in a house in a nearby neighborhood. A few times a year, he posts on the NextDoor app that he’s throwing a party for anyone who wants to come. BYOB (I think he takes out a barrel and some food but people bring stuff or leave money). It’s open to everyone, he says, come meet neighbors, make new friends, bring friends from elsewhere, whatever. A really outgoing and friendly guy, great at connecting people with people. I hear each time more than 100 people show up. I know several people who go there to meet people to this day and I think it’s been really successful for them. It’s not the pressure or expense of being in a bar all night, and it’s certainly more enjoyable than dating apps.

LUPELOVE

When I was dating, I used a lot of apps and saw the same people on each of them. I finally met someone organically. Find a part-time job at a bar or cafe where you can meet people your own age. Go to Meetup events (yes, it’s an app but not a dating app) and go hiking or whatever you like to do. Many ways to meet people that don’t include dating apps.

CUPPAJOESEATTLE

Recommendation: Stay away from apps and learn to live with FOMO.

ALL USER NAMES ARE TAKEN

Send your own relationship and dating questions to [email protected] Where fill in this form. Check out new episodes of Meredith Goldstein’s “Love Letters” podcast on loveletters.show or wherever you listen to podcasts. Column and comments are edited and reprinted from boston.com/loveletters.

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