Your Opinion on the DL2K March 10, 2011Posted by Dev in Polls.
Tags: devices, DreamLover, male chastity
I had a ton of views on the blog yesterday–not a record, but close–which suggests to me that there is a great deal of interest in the DreamLover male management system. It is intriguing–it is real? A hoax? Is the thing actually shipping or is this a great big scam to separate gullible consumers from their money? Anyway, I decided to create a poll. You tell me…what do you think of the DL2K MMS?
Note that there is an “other” choice but please feel free to leave comments in the comment section, too! I look forward to reading your opinions.
(Un)Safe Sex with a Sawzall March 5, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: devices, fetish, kinky, news
After my post yesterday about the incident at Northwestern University, I wondered if Ab would come home with his Sawzall. He didn’t but he did send me a few links for Sawzall adpaters, designed to turn them into fucking machines or the more colorfully named, Fuckzall. Apparently this is what was used in the demonstration sex act for the optional after class viewing opportunity. How did he know about these and I didn’t? He gave me some vague answer that he read about them on Gizmodo. Um, right…
Maybe I am kinkier than I realize, but I think the idea of a Fuckzall is fucking hot. I’ve seen Ab’s Sawzall but I have never held the thing. I wonder how slow it can go? Or how fast?
To cure his cabin fever, he decided to renovate one of our bathrooms. He tore everything out, assessed what he needed and then we headed off to Home Depot to buy paint and a new toilet. He also told me that he needed a new Ryobi drill because the charger on the one we have had died.
Because of his work, Ab owns a zillion tools, power and otherwise. Most of them are at the shop and he brings them home when needed here for a project, but we have a few things that are kept at the house, including this particular drill. I have absolutely no clue what’s what and on the rare occasion I need to do something, like hammer a tack, I ask him for the tool and it appears in my hand. To be honest, the more likely scenario is that I tell him, “That tack needs to be hammered” and it gets done without any other intervention from me. The point is, I don’t have a mental inventory of the tools that we own.
Anyway, because Ab does discuss spending money with me, even though I am clueless about the tools around the house, he brought up this drill. He tells me he could buy a drill by itself or he could be a kit which includes a drill, flashlight, and reciprocating saw. Reciprocating saw? The Ryobi version of the Sawzall? My eyes lit up. “And the saw would be battery powered, too, like the drill?” Yes, he said. Okay, now I’m really interested.
At Home Depot, he finds one version of the drill package that includes the drill, flashlight, circular saw, reciprocating saw and a carryall bag for $149. He’s convinced that he saw one at the other Home Depot (when Ab gets into a renovation project, Home Depot becomes his home away from home) that was only $119 and didn’t include the circular saw.
“Go ahead and buy the kit,” I said, thinking of the Fuckzall adapter I have already ordered from Extreme Restraints. (I told you I thought it was hot!)
“No, no,” he said. All he really needed was the drill and a new charger. He could use our existing flashlight on the charger and he really didn’t need another circular and reciprocating saw. He could buy the drill for $49 and save one hundred bucks.
Damn! No battery operated reciprocating saw.
The kicker was, when he got home he found out the charger for the new drill isn’t the same as the old drill, so he can’t charge the flashlight! WTF!
He tells me that he has a different charger at the shop he can bring home so we’ll still have a flashlight but no battery operated saw. Well, I guess I can always go shopping.
* * * * *
If Ab goes after me with the Fuckzall (although I like the thought of doing him…hee hee hee) you can be sure I’ll be checking and double-checking the device to make sure the saw is off and the adapter is on. God knows that this moron was thinking when he put a rubber dildo over the saw, stuck it in his wife, and then proceeded to shred her vagina to ribbons. From Baynet.com:
On March 9, the St. Mary’s County Sheriff’s Office was notified of a Lexington Park, Maryland woman, reportedly aged 27, who was flown to Prince George’s Hospital for an injury which occurred on March 8, as a result of a sexual act involving the use of a reciprocating saw. The original 911 call was dispatched as a medical emergency.
A man told authorities that he had placed a sex toy on a saber saw blade and that the blade had sawed through the plastic and severely wounded the woman. Trooper 7 transported the woman to PG Hospital. The case remains under investigation at this time. No word on the condition of the woman at this time.
This was two years ago (2009). I wonder what shape she is now and if they’ve played with the Fuckzall since then? LOL.
Dev Puts on Her Advice Hat November 24, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, devices, key holder, male chastity, women and chastity
Yesterday, I received this comment in response to one of my blog posts:
You have no idea how jealous some of us out here are. My wife and I lead a chaste lifestyle. We have done so for nearly 5 years. At one time, I’ve gone over a year without orgasm.
At this point, we agree completely – no more conventional sex. She likes me to pleasure her. And I like to pleasure her. We don’t ever want to do anything else. We’re pretty set on her having all the orgasms from now on. I’m totally happy with that, and she is totally happy with that.
There’s just one problem – she wants nothing to do with a chastity device. I’ve tried them – two actually. First, the Birdlocked, then a MM Pet Trap. The first was more of a toy. The second, I found it completely amazing to wear. I did not want to take it off – ever. The fit was not perfect, but this could have been worked around.
However, my wife’s objections could not. She didn’t like it, thought it was too weird and never wanted to see it again. This from a woman who has accepted and led a chaste lifestyle, at my suggestion, for years. I’ve been very good about being honest and not ‘cheating’ at this game, but not perfect. I felt a device could help me. She did not, she wants me to stay chaste purely through self control.
Needless to say, this is difficult! Yes, I absolutely love being chaste, going without orgasm for months and staying completely devoted to her… but give me a bad day with stress at work and a fight with her, and my resolve may fail. These are the times I wish I could be kept in chastity by her.
Not to mention, wearing a chastity device FEELS GOOD! Especially good when I pleasure her. I’ve tried it a few times, despite her objection, and found it fun and pleasant. Not always 100% comfortable, but like I said, the fit is not perfect.
Still, she has no interest in either short-term or long term devices. I’m not submissive, more dominant and leading, in fact, and so since it was my idea to try this lifestyle to begin with, she wants to hold me to my word.
It’s very frustrating for me to have her to dismiss this as a fetish/fantasy, yet unconditionally accept the chaste lifestyle, and based on what I’ve read from other men who have gone to the trouble to introduce this to their spouses, it’s not uncommon.
To have a woman lead her partner into this to begin with is an unimaginably, ridiculous stroke of good luck. I totally think any couple would benefit from a chaste lifestyle if only they were open-minded enough to accept it.
I was not even open at first. I read about the benefits of this, did not believe it, but for some reason, wanted to try it anyway, but this is a whole other story…
I have been thinking about this comment for the past 24 hours. The poster, Dave, did not ask for my advice but I am going to give some:
STOP GIVING YOUR WIFE ORGASMS.
You say that we are incredibly lucky and people out there are jealous…you know who is incredibly lucky? Your wife. I mean, seriously. Talk about being in the driver’s seat, having her cake, and eating it too! This woman has it all.
And from where I sit, it looks like you are asking for a slice of cake and she’s not even giving you a few crumbs. Time to stop being the baker and hang up your oven mitts—at least until she’s willing to meet you halfway.
Seriously, I can understand where you are coming from. You were the one who introduced chastity to her, even with some reluctance on your part (“…did not believe it,”) but she was willing to give it a go. As the “introducing partner” I know the feeling of worrying that my spouse will suddenly say, “This has been fun, but I’m not interested anymore.” I feel an obligation to keep the interest up and keep him engaged so that he’ll want to wear his device and live this chaste life with me. We are partners, after all, and a married couple. He’s not a slave or a victim. He has the right to opt out. Since I have gotten to the point that I don’t want him to opt out, I am highly invested in keeping the “game” going.
Sounds like you are doing the same thing.
But Dave, really…we’ve been at this three months. You’ve been at it five years. You write: At this point, we agree completely – no more conventional sex. So, it sounds like the opt out issue is not a major concern of yours right now.
But wearing a device is and that’s a goal you want to achieve. From the sound of your letter, she’s not willing to meet you halfway. And realistically, why should she? Like I said above, she has it all. What incentive does she have to let you wear a device? None, that I can see. She hates the thing and thinks it is ugly. Meanwhile, things are going just swimmingly, from her orgasm and life perspective, so why should she rock the boat?
Thus I think you need to do a little boat rocking.
I’ve quoted GGG from Dan Savage before: good, giving, game. It’s an important principle. She was GGG when you brought up chastity five years ago. She was willing to give it a try, even if she didn’t fully understand why you were asking. But she could tell it was important to you and open minded about the concept. That’s GGG.
Then, here you are, five years later and you two are fully invested in the lifestyle. Chastity has become the new normal for the two of you. It’s not something you are trying or experimenting with. It just is. And according to what you write, it will likely be for many years to come, if not forever.
Now, you are asking her to be GGG again. You want to wear a chastity device. She refuses to let you or to consider its usage in your relationship. You have explained why it is important to you: it would help you be honest, it would help you not cheat. Stressful days take their toll and your resolve can be weak. Secondarily, you want a device because it feels good on you and heightens your pleasure when you are pleasuring her.
I am assuming you have explained all these reasons to her—many times. And yet, she still says no.
Well then, it seems like it is time to take her candy away, at least until she’s willing to sit down and work out a compromise. Because really, if it’s important to you then it should be important to her to meet your needs. She needs to be GGG. If that’s impossible, then you have to ask if chastity is really the best thing for both of you. Since she’s been GGG before, I would hope that she could find her way to do so again.
She doesn’t have to immediately agree to device usage 24/7. You may never get to that point—and that may not even be a goal. But there are steps you can take: wearing the device for a portion of the day, at your discretion; you keep control of the key; you do not expect her to play with/touch the device; you do not wear the device when you are making love. These seem to be a starting point for discussion and negotiation. Eventually you can both find a middle ground that is comfortable for both of you.
However, until she is willing to be open and discuss, maybe you need to tell her that for the moment, the bakery is closed.
Like I said above, you didn’t ask for my advice, so please feel free to completely ignore this post. But your comment did get me thinking and I wanted to share my thoughts.
Baby, It’s Cold Outside November 22, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, clothing, devices
This may seem like a silly question but it came up in the Devoted Lover household so I thought I would throw it out there for advice and opinions.
Ab got up early to walk the dog yesterday and it was quite chilly—about 20° F. He was wearing his Watchful Mistress, one of his silk thongs, and jeans. He told me afterwards that he had an interesting reaction. The metal device got nice and cold, nice and fast. He said normally when a man is out in the cold his balls would contract up against his body. But because of the ring of the device, they were prevented from doing so. So he had the combination of very cold nuts and very cold device which wasn’t particularly comfortable.
I laughed and said we’d have to get him some fur-lined underpants. I actually searched online and found a fleece thong, but that looked more like a novelty item as opposed to something designed to keep you warm.
Have any other metal device wearing men faced this problem? What is your solution? It’s not cold enough yet to pull out the flannel-lined jeans and except for this one specific portion of his anatomy, he was warm and comfortable. He just didn’t like having a freezing cold cock.
Comments and suggestions are welcome.
* * * * *
Update from the Humbler research lab: We continue to do prototype testing on the custom “from the woods of Maine” Humbler. Ab brought the first prototype home which didn’t work—the opening was too big and the device was the wrong shape. A gracious reader sent me some measurements for the opening so we went through two more prototype models which didn’t work at all. Just look at the picture. Was was the woodworker thinking? LOL. But he brought home the latest version yesterday, pictured below. I have a terrible cold and have been feeling lousy so I went to bed early last night, thus we were not able to do any testing for fit or comfort. Hopefully tonight we’ll have a few minutes to play with it. I’ll report back. I do like the look of it, however. And now that I have discovered spanking, my mind reels with possibilities. <evil grin>
* * * * *
This is my one hundredth post on the blog and tomorrow is one hundred days of chastity for Ab and me. Two milestones! Who knew back in August when we started that this is where we’d be in November. Some immediate thoughts that come to mind:
- The benefits that many ascribe to chastity, ie, being more helpful around the house and so on—that hasn’t really changed. Ab was doing all that stuff to begin with so what more could he take on?
- What has changed is the way I think about sex. I think Ab would agree with this, too. Chastity has helped us to become much more inventive and creative. Face it, when you take intercourse off the table, you’ve got to find other things to do. We’ve been having lots of fun with the other things.
- Communication has definitely improved. I’ve talked about this a lot in this blog and related how we have a very challenging time earlier this year. I think chastity has been important to help us find some closure related to the problems we were having, as well as grow and move forward as a couple.
- I’ve spent a bunch of money on devices, toys, clothing, and so on. More than I expected but I am not complaining. As they say in the MasterCard ad, the value to our relationship? Priceless!
- I’ve made new friends, people I enjoy conversing with here in the blog, on the Chastity Forum, and in email. Thanks to all who take the time to write and talk to me. I enjoy our interactions.
I had envisioned doing a big celebratory post for the 100/100 milestone but nothing is really coming to mind. Which is probably the way it should be, right? Chastity is just part of our lives. We are a chaste couple, as I like to say. That’s it, pure and simple.
And that’s very good.
A Clean Shirt November 15, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, devices, key holder, male chastity, orgasm denial
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There were lots of good comments here and there in response to my post about Ab and his daily shower/nap release. I thought I summarize them here and add a few more thoughts on the issue.
To refresh readers’ memories, our current deal is that Ab has access to the key/screwdriver and is allowed a daily release for his shower and daily nap. Just so folks know, he gets up for work at about 4 or 4:30 am, so an afternoon nap is essential if he is going to make it through dinner and have a remote chance of being coherent at the same time. This is especially important on my late days, Monday and Thursday, when I often don’t get home until 9 pm. Ab’s been napping since the day I met him—it is part of the fabric of our lives. In fact, guess what he is doing right now as I type this.
As I said, there were lots of interesting comments, including this from mikecb:
I suspect this whole thing of wanting to be “out” for showers and naps is more about him trying to assert a last little bit of control, rather than him actually needing either of these things for comfort. Now, I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing, since you’ve only been doing this for a few months. I would hope eventually that he comes to trust you completely with that last little bit of control, and let go of it.
Finally, while I would *never* tell you how to do what you do, I find Ab’s comment about taking off the JB in the shower interesting. Maybe it’s because I had previously been in a closed-tube device, but showering in the JB was cake. Much less of a hassle than the Steelheart. I mean, it’s all open, right? How much cleaner can you really get by taking it off? The one thing the JB has going for it, from my POV, is because it’s all open, there’s practically no reason to *ever* take it off.
Ab read this and said to me, “Yes, it’s open and yes, it’s much easier to clean but…I just like to have it off. To be able to shave down there, really scrub and get everything nice and clean.”
I pointed Thumper to mikecb’s comment, to which Thumper replied:
Mike’s nailed it. From my perspective, Ab hasn’t *really* let go of all the control over his cock. I was there, too, but I did it in a slightly different way. I used to always know where the key was and felt free to take the device off to fiddle with it or whatever, regardless whether or not Belle was around or aware, whenever I wanted. It finally occurred to me that I was sharing the control I had supposedly ceded to her. Once she started to own the key and its location and I was really and truly locked up until she let me out, things changed. It wasn’t until than that I feel I truly accepted her control.
I don’t know that I would try to talk him into letting go of that his little shred of freedom because it’s a big deal psychologically. Especially because you initiated this, he has to give it to you freely. That said, I think you would be within your rights to start questioning his motives. There is no reason I can see for him to remove the device assuming he can sleep through the night with it. He’s *choosing* to do so. Once he finally lets go of his little needless breaks you’ll know he’s moved to the next level. Until then, all he’s done is agree to a power sharing arrangement.
When I pointed Ab to this comment, he read it and shrugged. He didn’t disagree but he also wondered how important this is—at least at this moment. That got me thinking and I realized that I have a fantasy of having him locked 24/7, no breaks, no freedom, only coming out for T&D or the occasional rare orgasm. Now while that is a very hot fantasy for me, what is more important is that chastity stay a part of our lives. If I need to give up a little bit of control and allow him a little bit of unlocked time, then that’s a worthwhile trade-off to keep Ab fully on board and actively participating.
Interestingly, at the same time this conversation was going on in my blog, Thumper was posting his thoughts on the Jailbird, and I had this to say:
At first I thought I was being wildly extravagant to buy two devices but now I am thinking it is actually quite practical. Think about other things we wear close to our bodies. Do you wear the same shoes every day? For women, do you wear the same bra? I am not sure it is realistic to think one device is going to be comfortable all the time, day in and day out. While the fantasy of being locked all the time is a great one, the reality is that bodies are living things and perhaps, flexibility in devices is important to address that.
Ab read that and had a good laugh. “See,” he said, “you really do understand why I need a break. I like being able to switch devices. It’s like putting on a freshly laundered shirt from the dry cleaner.”
Over on the Chastity Forum, justplaying had this to say:
I also enjoy the small ritual of being locked up every morning after my shower and then unlocked whenever she likes. For us, it’s part of the fun. Our agreement is a bit different than others in the forum. I am allowed to take a shower and clean the gear every morning. I am brain dead before coffee, so I can be trusted in the shower…Once out I lock myself in and then my KH, wife inspects that all is locked up tight. I kind of love the way she does this every morning.
I also know that kelmag gets out for a daily cleaning break.
So, what conclusions can I draw from this?
- Couples make chastity work for them. If a daily break is needed or desired by the man, so be it. There is no rule that says “locked” means it is an endless prison sentence with a break that’s never offered.
- Part of the “endless prison sentence” is my own fantasy and I need to balance that against what is realistic and comfortable for Ab. Being chaste in the long-term is more important than fulfilling my hot dream.
- Having variety and flexibility in what device is being worn may be something to consider, especially for couples that desire chastity long-term. An informal poll at the Chastity Forum indicated that many couples own multiple devices with 28% responding they owned four. We’ve only been at this since August and we own four, plus a locking cock ring. God knows where we will be a year from now! LOL.
- Understanding motivations are extremely important and something I will continue to focus on and revisit on an ongoing basis.
That’s it for now. As always, thoughts and comments are welcome.
A Night Apart: Update November 12, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity outcomes, devices, humbler, key holder, male chastity
Ab read the blog yesterday so he knew that I was thinking about my upcoming trip. Because he read it, that got the conversation started at dinner, which went something like this:
“Has it really been more than a year since you’ve been away?”
“Yes, August 2009, when I was in Switzerland.”
“I wasn’t in Switzerland.”
“I didn’t say you were. I was in Switzerland.”
“Yes you did, you said we. We were in Switzerland.”
“No I didn’t. I said I.”
“You said we.”
At this point I gave him a dirty look. “You don’t have a tape recorder so it’s pointless to discuss this. Can we get back on track?”
“Sure. So you want me stay locked up.”
“In a nutshell, yes. And I want to be able to trust you.”
“Why wouldn’t you trust me?”
“Because it’s been weeks since you masturbated. And you had your two little incidents in the past few days. I don’t want you to be tempted. I want you to be strong.”
“I’ll be strong. You can trust me.”
“How do I know that?”
“Because you want me to be locked. Because that’s what you want me to do, I will.”
“Do I need to hide the key and the screwdriver?”
“I’d prefer if you didn’t. I like having my shower break. It makes me feel cleaner.”
“Okay, but you will put your device on after your nap?”
Ab nodded. Then, after a pause, he said, “As a matter of fact, I’ll send you pictures. I’ll send you a picture when I take it off and I’ll send you another picture when I put it back on. I know you’ll be waiting for that second picture in an hour or so, so I’ll definitely be putting it on when I am supposed to.”
“All right, then,” I answered. “That sounds fair. You’ll be wearing it on Saturday when you pick me up at the airport.”
“And if I text you during the day on Saturday, you’ll send me a picture, no matter what time it is.”
“Sure…unless I’m visiting your mother.”
I laughed at that. “Yes, that might be a mitigating circumstance.” I paused. “So, we have a deal.”
He nodded. “We have a deal.” His voice dropped a notch and he leaned in closer to me. “I’ll let you in on a little secret.”
“What’s that?” I whispered back.
“I’m into this as much as you.”
* * * * *
The other day I sent Ab a picture of a cherry (wood) humbler. “Can you make one of these?” I texted him. That evening when I got home, I found the device pictured to the right sitting on the kitchen table. That was fast! I wasn’t expecting insta-humbler!
Last night we decided to do a little fitting test. As we discovered, this is definitely a prototype model and needs some work. It appears that the round circle in the middle is much too big. He made it 1 ¾”, the same size as the ring on his Jailbird. That needs to be much smaller and I think it would be better if it was oval, not round. The part that goes behind his legs is also too big. That needs to be fitted more closely and a little bit tighter. Even so, as a prototype it is a very good start.
One thing that was interesting: as I screwed the bolts shut, Ab got a definite terrified look in his eyes. I can’t wait to see what he looks like when I screw on a properly fitting, custom-made one. <insert evil laugh>
* * * * *
I gave Ab a Sharpie marker tattoo on his left ass cheek after we finished testing the humbler. “Locked boi, xxoo” I wrote. Just to remind him who is in charge and why he needs to stay locked up.
* * * * *
Bon voyage to me! If I don’t post tomorrow it’s because I am on the road. But I suspect being on a plane will give me time to think about something interesting to write. I have a number of different ideas tumbling in my brain. Until then, take care my friends and stay chaste!
Chastity as a Game…Or? November 10, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, devices, just for fun, orgasm denial
To those who claim, loudly and with a price tag attached, that male chastity is simply a game or a put-on, I respectfully disagree. My workaday world is where I pretend. This isn’t a game to me.
Whoa, let’s not throw the baby out with the bathwater! There are games, and then there are games…
To me, games of the former type are competitive, winner takes all and loser be damned. Anything you watch on television: football, basketball, the Olympics. When your universe narrows to your kitchen table there is Monopoly, Life, or the one I loathe most of all, Risk, where the victor is the one with the most armies and most nations conquered, lying powerless at his feet.
I definitely don’t want to think of chastity as one of those types of games!
But what about non-competitive games? Those that we play for the joy of playing, for experiencing the happiness of just having fun, for finding our all-too-often lost inner child. Within that context, I think it is perfectly appropriate to call chastity a game.
That said, with each passing day I am finding it harder to envision a moment where I might say to Ab, “I don’t want to play anymore. Please put your device away.” And I know if he said that to me, we would sit down and have a long, serious talk about what he was asking. Yes, chastity is a game but it is also becoming part of the fabric of our sexual lives and our lives in general. We are a chaste couple. That is a fact and an element of how I self-identify. If someone were to ask me, I’d be honest in that answer.
Many years ago, when I was at a very different point in my professional career, I was in charge of staff development at a local hospital. In this role I was tasked with coming up with activities for Nurses’ Week. This was always a touchy issue because we had to find the right balance between a professional, respectful tribute and worshipful adoration of the clinical staff (I say the latter slightly tongue-in-cheek). On the year in question, I hired a facilitator for a day of team building. Her modus operandi was to play games. When the nursing staff got wind of this, they were not shy about ripping me a new one. Many declared they would boycott the event—and they did. But for those who chose to participate—and as I recall, we had a decent sized crowd, about 30 in all—we had a blast. We played for hours and had a lot of fun and in the process, found our inner children and grew in the experience. Although I can’t tell you what games we played, I do remember that the day was fun, enjoyable, and important. I reframed my understanding of games that day and that learning has stayed with me, all these years later.
It is within that context that I “play” chastity.
Intrerestingly, as I continue on this path, the few competitive trappings that I had related to the game are rapidly falling away. Note that I don’t have any tickers or counters on this site. How many orgasms have I had in our chaste life? I have no idea. I haven’t been keeping track. I do know that there have been plenty, but just as Ab doesn’t need orgasms to define his sexual experience, neither do I. Our love is back to being the major focus of what is between us. Orgasms are a benefit but not the primary reason that we couple in the night.
How long has Ab been locked up this time? I am not sure, at least without looking at a calendar. And, do I count locked up from the day of his “official” orgasm, which was sometime back in October or from the day of his ruined orgasm, which was a week or so ago? At the time of the latter, he was wearing a cock ring, so does that count as locked or not? More tellingly, I don’t have a date in mind for his next release. It’s not important to me right now. It will happen when the time is right—when the time is right for both of us. I think we’ll know when that moment is. It is a time we will feel in our hearts, not a date that is X’ed on the calendar.
I will continue to use the language of games to describe our chastity experience, but I wanted to share my paradigm for what a game is. Hopefully that will provide context for readers and clear up any confusion (if there was any) on the game issue.
* * * * *
Speaking of games, it’s been a little more than a week since Ab and I relaxed our rule about having access to the key or screwdriver. While I was a little anxious last week, it seems to be working quite well, now. Ab appreciates his daily cleaning/nap break but knows not to take advantage. He is locked when I get home. In fact, it’s become a little bit of a game for me (there’s that word again!) wondering what he’ll be wearing. Yesterday was the Watchful Mistress with the lock. The lock? Might be time for the key to go back on my nipple ring, if only for decoration.
On Sunday, for whatever reason, Ab didn’t take his device off during his nap. Later, as he was going to the grocery store, he asked if he could take it off then, reasoning that he had one free hour per day. Could he use his hour at a different time?
I gently, but firmly corrected him. “You can be free during your nap, whether that’s five minutes or sixty. You do not have one free hour per day. You have freedom during your nap. That’s it.”
There’s a New Blog on the Block October 31, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, devices, male chastity, masturbation, women and chastity
There’s a new blog on chastity that was started just a few days ago: Nuts4Belle. The reason I am pimping this is because it is being written by a man and his wife. Yay, another enthusiastic keyholder in the blogosphere! Seriously, the bloggers are jnuts and his wife Belle (not to be confused with Thumper’s Belle Fille). They are a couple with two young children and discovered chastity quite recently. They have been on the honor system for a few weeks and have a Jailbird on order. Their enthusiasm is contagious and I look forward to having both their perspectives come through in their blog.
It was a comment from Belle that got me thinking about my own relationship with Ab and partly what prompted my post yesterday. Belle wrote:
I am still struggling with “What if someone finds out?”, and more than anything the Dom/Sub thing scares me…
I have commented on the “What is someone finds out?” issue in this blog (in a nutshell, it is unlikely they will and if they do, they probably won’t care) but I’ve stayed away from the Dom/sub topic. I am mostly going to stay away from it now but I just want to reiterate a point I was trying to make in yesterday’s post: chastity is not inevitably going to lead to an outcome that you don’t want. We’re all consenting adults and all we need to do is say, “Please stop. I don’t want to do this.” Or, “I don’t want to quite do it that way, but can we find a middle ground that will make both of us happy?”
An example of the latter is something that happened to us somewhat serendipitously in recent months, brought about by chastity.
I have known, for a long time, that Ab has a bit of a fetish for silky women’s undies. I know he’d like to wear them. Since I don’t wear them, there’s never been anything in my underwear drawer that he could “borrow.” Further, since he knew I wasn’t turned on by the idea of him in silky panties, he never went out and bought any for himself. So there it was, a fantasy unfulfilled.
When he started wearing the chastity device, he realized he needed some sort of underwear to provide support. His previous going commando lifestyle just didn’t work with a CB in his jeans. He broached the topic with me and hinted that he wanted something sexier than plain old white BVDs. I took the bait and actually came up with a great solution in the Mansilk thong that I discovered. It provided the support he needed (the primary reason for wearing something); I liked the look and he got to satisfy his silky undie fetish. Sounds like a win-win for both of us, don’t you think?
Chastity has also helped us bring some reality to Dom/sub fantasies that he has had. Again, for many years he has said to me that he’d like to be submissive. However, aside from playing a few tie-up games in bed, I wasn’t quite sure how to take that further in a way that would be comfortable for both of us. In the context of our day-to-day lives, he really is quite submissive (although I would prefer a different word, like devoted) but we “do” submissive in a polite and respectful way. I don’t demand and he anticipates; because he anticipates, I don’t need to demand. Does that make sense? Anyway, chastity has proven to be a good way for us to go a little bit further with submission. To be honest, I think he agreed to try chastity at the beginning because of the submissive dimension and in that regard, it’s working out well.
I’m in charge of his cock and orgasms. Total control has been given to me. In fact, I’ve had the opportunity to realize just how true this is in the past few days. He’s been in and out of his device—a combination of soreness, plus figuring out the most comfortable fit for the new Watchful Mistress—and he has proven himself to be completely trustworthy while on the honor system. When I asked him if he had masturbated or even considered it, he gave me a truly puzzled look. “Of course not,” he said. “You’re in charge. I don’t orgasm without your knowledge and consent.” He anticipates what I want, and behaves accordingly—but as readers of this blog know, a few months ago, that wasn’t the case, at least with respect to masturbation. Is he being submissive? I would say yes. More than prior to chastity? Well, of course, because I wasn’t in charge of his orgasms then. I am now…
But, for the moment, that’s as far as we are taking it. Things may change in the coming months as we continue to explore our limits and push our boundaries. And I guess that would be my other bit of advice to Belle and other women out there: even if the “Dom/sub thing” that scares you is in your future, it’s not going to happen overnight. Things can evolve slowly. That’s one of the nice things about chastity—being a game that’s played out over days and weeks rather than minutes and hours, you have plenty of time to think about things, discuss them with your husband, and then, if something is appealing, give it a try. And if something doesn’t float your boat, just say no. It’s that simple.
A Perfect Storm of Allergies October 20, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: allergies, CPS, Dan Savage, devices, lube
You know how they say things come in threes. It certainly is true and I’ve lately gone through it with allergies—not mine, fortunately but still, some useful info to share on the blog.
Allergy number one was a co-worker who developed a contact dermatitis on her neck. Not too attractive and it itched like mad. One nice thing about working in healthcare is that there is usually a spare nurse practitioner or doctor who can look at things. In this case, we even had a dermatologist on hand. He looked, confirmed our working diagnosis of a contact dermatitis and ran through the litany of things that might be causing it. Any changes in products that she used? Soap? Laundry detergent? Perfume? No, no, no, but then she remembered she had purchased a new hair conditioner…designed to “make my hair shiny, but not crunchy or brittle.” The doctor thought that might be the culprit and suggested she stop using it. She was annoyed—it was expensive—but the itching was more annoying so she took his advice.
Allergy number two was a letter to Dan Savage where the guy wrote that he had always had terrible pain during anal sex, often continuing to the next day. He discovered that the culprit was the lube he was using. His Google research suggested that the irritant might be glycerin. He bought a glycerin-free lube and voilà! A brand new day. He wrote:
I feel like this is the most amazing sexual discovery of my life so far. In talking to friends who “never bottom,” this kind of irritation seems to be the common reason. Although I consider myself fairly well educated about sexual health, I’d never come across this bit of info, and I hope it helps someone!
The comments are interesting with many people mentioning other potential allergens in lube including parabens, propylene glycol, and citric acid. Latex condoms can also be a culprit and one commenter recommended polyisoprene condoms instead, such as those that can be found here.
Incident number three (not sure if it was an allergy or not) was my own beloved Ab. He had his new Jailbird and was adjusting to wearing it and wearing a metal device after a few weeks in polycarbonate. Thumper suggested System JO lubricant to keep things comfortable—he said he couldn’t live without it and uses it twice a day. I read the product description: “long lasting, fragrance and odor free.” Sounds good to me (I don’t like scented products) so I ordered up a bottle. Ab used it one day and said it stung like crazy all day long. Hmmmm…. He went back to baby powder for comfort.
Then, I read a post at Chastity Forums from Shane who was trying to get comfortable in a polycarbonate CB and having a terrible time. It burned, it itched, it caused large red welts. On his blog he wrote:
I’m trying to get to the point where I can wear the CB-6000S pretty much all time time. I only got it a month ago, and wearing it has been really tough. I’m trying to go slow, but still managed to develop some sores along the A-ring. This has happened twice already, with the last time three nights ago. I’ve not worn the device since, but this morning things seemed to have healed up, so I’m back to trying again. What I’ve found out is that the first day or so is excruciating, and then I sort of adapt. I remove it every once in awhile when it’s too much and after five days or so of almost continuous wear, it’s almost bearable. And then sores happen and I have to take it off for few days. I’m cursed with a high and tight ball sack so until it stretches, it appears I’ll just have put up with the discomfort.
I didn’t think this could possibly be normal. I knew how Ab had adjusted to the exact same device—no open sores or excruciating pain! I sent Shane an email and asked if he had considered an allergic reaction? I realized that polycarbonate is not usually an allergen but his skin reaction just seemed so dramatic I thought that something was amiss. And I was right. A few days ago he posted this:
That burning feeling is NOT normal! I’m apparently allergic to Cyclopentasiloxane, at least when used with a CB-6000. Cyclopentasiloxane is the main ingredient in both JO Premium and Swiss Navy silicon lube, and also one of the ingredients in J&J Baby Gel. I’ve used one of these three products almost since day one two months ago, and I would always get this really nasty burning feeling around the A-ring that started about 15 minutes after I put the device on, and that never completely subsided. At around the 24 hour mark, it would get to be too much and I would take the device off to discover a nice big red welt, or worse. I didn’t think it was a reaction because as soon as I took the device off, the burning went away, and well, because I’ve used silicon lube in the past for its intended application (ahem) with no ill effect.
Well! That was an interesting discovery. We have the JO with CPS (the abbreviation for cyclopentasiloxane)—I wonder if that is what bothered Ab? We haven’t used it or tried it for anything since that first day and now I am very leery. I’ve also discovered that CPS is in many hair products because of…
It’s ability to impart a wet and silky look makes it an ideal candidate in hair products, both rinse off and leave on ones. It’s particularly useful in hair conditioners because it provides a silky feel without weighing the hair down with greasy residue.
I called my co-worker, had her look at the bottle and sure enough, CPS is a main ingredient. Unfortunately, I can’t verify anything with the Dan Savage letter writer but I am curious if the culprit might have been CPS, not glycerin. Who knows?
My take-away: Read labels carefully. If a new product bothers your skin, stop using it. Don’t assume you’ll get used to it or it will get better. And watch out for CPS.
From the Mailbag: IV October 19, 2010Posted by Dev in Correspondence, Musings.
Tags: devices, e-mail, games, male chastity, masturbation
I received this terrific message from one of my email friends…
I think for us that’s the key, I make sure she is taken care of 90%-95% of the time and when it’s unlock time there is no expectations of what to expect, that it is sort of my time and my orgasm and really…when I’m done I am so happy, so in love with her, it makes it all worth it. She loves what it does for us. I am 57 she is 43, and I was like all the other males out there (I enjoyed your ED/masturbate blog). I jacked off daily, sometimes maybe twice, and when it was time for her and I to be intimate I sometimes had issues (no wonder) and went to the good doctor for Viagra. I hated the side effects. Then we got into male chastity (my idea) oh ya BCWYAF! It drove me wild! All I wanted was out of it in the beginning, I was so horny all the time but we stuck with it and it is amazing what it has done for us (for me). I do not need the pills. She said it’s harder (my cock) than it used to be and sex is just better…Dev I can’t believe more couples don’t try male chastity. My attitude and habits have changed and I love it. It sucks wearing a chastity belt everyday but as I told her, every pinch, everytime I bump it, I sit to pee I think of her and how much I love her and happy we are doing this!
I am glad to know I am not the only person who thinks there is a holistic solution to ED. Thanks for this message, my friend!
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More from the mailbag…some ideas for fun and games…
I thought I would pass along some “fun” things to do with the Jailbird…as I am a huge fan of some bondage my KH/GF bought some small link chain and 2 of the small Master padlocks at Home Depot and locked one of the padlocks and end of the chain to the JB cage and looped the other end around the bedpost slot and locked the chain with the other lock…took her about 1 minute and I was locked up!… ”There you go she said enjoy some lock up time,”….very effective and fast, she had me on about 8′ length of chain, I could walk around a little, lay down but I was not getting away….she went and read the paper…LOL
The idea of having a chain with a lock on the end of the Jailbird is incredibly hot…
Another friend wrote and commented on the masturbation issue that I had described in an earlier post…
So instead of keeping him from masturbating, help him do it—do it together, help him finish, and so on. The Tenga is an awesome toy to play with this. The more he gets back to thinking of his orgasms as something that happens with you, the better everything will be. It’s also not a bad thing to trade off—just like he gets you off without coming, you can return the favor—takes the pressure off him, and that pressure and anxiety is the real enemy. It also fits nicely into chastity play—you’re in charge, and when he comes, it will be with you. I like that approach myself.
I didn’t know what a Tenga was and discovered that they are a masturbation “egg” that apparently is all the rage in Japan. Naturally, because chastity is costing me a small fortune, I had to go and order up a six-pack from Amazon. Free shipping with Prime and they’ll be here tomorrow!