The Phases of Dev February 1, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, knitting, women and chastity
The other day, my mother returned to me a sweater that I had made for her many years ago. She has lost a lot of weight in the past year and the sweater is enormous on her now but alas, it fits me, which tells you what can happen over the span of thirty years and two children!
It’s a beautiful sweater, an Irish cable knit cardigan. The wool is from Ireland and it took me months to make it. Looking at it now, I am a little amazed that I did make it, since I retired my knitting needles many years ago. Sure, I still know how to knit but I don’t have any interest right now and I’m not sure I’ll be revisiting that phase of my life in the near future.
Ab and I got talking about this over lunch. “I do go through phases, don’t I?” I said. “My knitting phase, my weaving phase, naturism, Kindle…” Ab smiled. “And you’re a good sport to put up with all of them,” I continued. “I suppose you do get nice things out of them, like hand knit sweaters. That’s a bonus.” Although to be honest, I am not sure what he got out of the Kindle phase! (For the record, that one is still going on.)
And so, we are in the chastity phase and Ab is benefitting with all the attention and lots of sex. Sure, orgasms (for him) are missing but he seems to be okay with that since all the other stuff is really good. Or, at least he’s acting like it’s really good. From my side of the table, I can tell you that it’s great.
This definitely has all the hallmarks of a Dev phase: laser-focus intensity, a desire to learn as much as I possibly can, engaging with a community—blogging is new (is this a phase, too?) so on top of learning all I can about chastity, and putting it in place in our lives, I have also established myself with a blogging presence on the Internet.
My phases tend to go in cycles of two to four years. We’re six months in with chastity so I am not expecting it to end anytime soon, but I have to wonder. Ab will turn 60 in 2013. Will he still be wearing his Watchful Mistress then? Will he still be interested? Or will I have moved on to something else, pulling him along as I always do?
Over on the Chastity Forum, people have mused about never “going back” or never having chastity end. While I can understand that desire—when you are in the moment and enjoying something immensely, of course you don’t want it to end—but realistically, at least for me, I have to acknowledge my phases as part of who I am and how I live my life.
I don’t regret any of my phases. I’ve enjoyed them all and they’ve become part of the fabric of my life. I look back with fondness at the happily knitting woman who made gifts for everyone for Christmas, or the mad walker who hiked 60 miles across the state of Massachusetts (twice!) and raised $15,000 for breast cancer education and research in the process, or the geeky nerd who can happily spout off obscure trivia about the US interstate highway system…
Of course, maybe chastity is different. Maybe it’s not a phase but rather part of who I am and who I am becoming. The essence of Dev: wife, mother, nurse. Is chaste woman part of that persona? I honestly don’t know.
It was a comment from Mykey on Thumper’s blog that got me thinking about this, although the idea of phases was already on my mind from the sweater incident over the weekend. Mykey wrote:
A year or two of strict orgasm control did bring sandy and I together. It created strains also, but on balance was good for us.
Now the flr dynamic is behind us and I come when I like. It’s a strange feeling and I feel a keen sense of loss. However I have no interest in going back to being orgasm controlled and the longer time passes the less I want to actually go back.
His words, “a keen sense of loss” gave me pause and a bit of sadness. As I said above, my various phases have left me fulfilled and enriched. I don’t want chastity to end—if it is, in fact a phase and thus will end—on a down note with losing something, rather than gaining. We have gained much, as I have written about in this blog—enhanced intimacy, improved communication and a re-invigorated sex life. Even if the device goes into a drawer and the focus on orgasm control ends, I hope those other benefits don’t. And why should they? We certainly have the power to control them and keep the positive focus on what we have gained versus what we might lose. But still, things don’t always turn out the way we expect—or want them to. I have to be honest with myself about that.
As I said the other day, quoting my beloved Ennis Del Mar (yes, Brokeback Mountain was a phase, too), “Ain’t no reins on this one.” We’re riding the wave and enjoying every minute of chastity. If it’s destined to end in a few years, well then, that’s that. But for the moment, we are living in the moment and making the most of it.
What’s in store for the future, only time will tell.
Comments, as always, are welcome.