As Predicted… February 28, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: female orgasm, just for fun, orgasm glass
or perhaps as hoped for, another nickel went into the orgasm glass this morning, making the total for the month 57 cents. And it’s snowing again!
* * * * *
Congratulations to Colin Firth for a well-deserved Oscar for Best Actor, playing King George VI in The King’s Speech. I thought he should have won last year for his role in A Single Man (also playing a character named George!) but this is typical for the Academy–always a year late and a statuette short. (Don’t get me started on Heath Ledger!) My best to Mr. Firth for an honor rightfully earned.
The Winter Doldrums February 27, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, female orgasm, orgasm denial, orgasm glass, winter doldrums
It’s official. I am experiencing an advanced case of cabin fever accompanied by severe winter doldrums. It snowed on Friday and it is snowing again today. The world is white, the sky is white–the only color is an olive-green pine tree in the backyard and our blue station wagon in the driveway. I am sick of winter! I am sick of walking gingerly, not knowing if there are icy patches under the snow. I am sick of clearing snow off the car every time I go outside. I am sick of wearing boots, heavy socks, hats, and gloves. I am sick of all of it!
My outdoor shower seems like a distant memory, as does my deck and my porch. Did I really tie Ab to a chair on the porch and tickle him with an ostrich feather? That seems like it was a few lifetimes past–or at least three chastity devices ago. LOL.
As I was surfing the web to find the picture I used above, I came up with a wide variety of cures for the winter doldrums. Some appeal, others not so much. In no particular order:
- Bake some “Kick Winter’s Ass Lemon Bars.” These sound really good. I just sent the recipe to Ab.
- Attend a film festival. That would work if we had a film festival occurring locally. Instead, we may go to the movies.
- Take a bible study class. Uh, I don’t think so. Not my cup of tea.
- Look at pictures of naked men. Um, yes, this is more in line with my way of thinking. Interestingly, I don’t see many suggestions for looking at pictures of naked women. What’s up with that? Guys don’t get cabin fever?
- Buy a meat grinder for the Kitchen Aid mixer and grind some meat. ??? Whatever floats your boat, I suppose.
- Have a party.
- Dress up in silly costumes.
- Turn the party into a costume contest.
- Soak in the hot tub. That would work if we still had a hot tub….
- Read a good book. Actually, I am doing that. The sixth book in Jordan Castillo Price’s PsyCop series just came out: GhosTV. I have been eagerly waiting for this ever since I buzzed through all the other books in the series last April. I am struggling between reading this book as fast as I can and trying to draw it out and make it last. That’s part of the reason I took a break to write this blog post.
- Write a blog post. Check.
- Email an old friend.
- Call an old friend.
- Clean the oven. Not for me but this is what Ab is doing!
- Balance the checkbook. Pay bills. Seriously? This is supposed to cheer me up? LOL.
- Get distracted from writing the blog post and read an article in Time on sex addiction.
- Remind yourself that spring is only 22 days away…on the calendar, at least.
* * * * *
Okay, so now we know from the sex addiction article that men, on average, have three orgasms a week. Ha, that’s what they think! Time for a quick check in the orgasm glass since it’s practically the end of the month.
Last month (January) there was 93 cents: 2 quarters, 1 dime, 5 nickels and 8 pennies. This month the inventory is:
- 1 quarter (an orgasm in the cage for Ab)
- 4 nickels
- 7 pennies
52 cents. Not quite as much activity as last month but then this is a shorter month–and we’re suffering from the winter doldrums. And there are still 36 hours before March officially arrives. Anything can happen in that amount of time, right?
* * * * *
Time for a glass of wine, I think, and more PsyCop reading. In the comments, please share your sure-fire cures for cabin fever. I’d like to know what works for all of you. Have at it!
Moaning and Groaning February 25, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, orgasm denial, spanking
Ab has been moaning and groaning quite a bit this week and even whimpering.
I like whimpering.
I think I have mentioned before that Ab is not a very vocal chaste guy. I don’t know if he’s stoic or Zen-like, but he tends not to say much. I read about guys begging and pleading with their wives/KHs to be released but I haven’t gotten that sort of behavior from Ab.
Until this week, that is.
To be clear, he hasn’t been begging and pleading—which I am grateful for because I am not sure how I would react to that. But he has been moaning, especially when I am teasing him, and expressing his frustration. I think he’s really at that place where he wants an orgasm but craves denial. And I am happy to keep denying him!
Early morning sex is wonderful for both of us. I feel happy and sated all day. Ab tells me he’s horny all day. Yes, he’s frustrated but he loves that feeling of being on edge. I can ramp it up at 4:30 am and the feeling just stays with him. By the time I get home, he’s willing to do anything for me. It’s amazing how the feedback cycle works. He can’t wank off in the shower (actually he could but he tells me he doesn’t want to, which is also telling) so he just focuses that sexual energy on me. Me, me, me!
It’s been an interesting week. Usually I work until 9 pm on Monday and Thursday, but Monday was the holiday and clinic got cancelled last night, so I’ve been home at reasonable time every night this week. That means we’ve been going to bed together which in turn, means we wake up and snuggle together. (When I have my late evenings, our sleeping schedules do not sync quite as well.) Maybe that’s why I’ve been hearing more moaning and groaning than usual. Whatver the reason, I have definitely been enjoying it. We’ve had quite a few coins go into the orgasm glass, too!
* * * * *
It’s snowing today. I decided yesterday that I would not drive to the office and instead work from home. I have a long list of things to do. My goal is to be very productive this morning so we can play this afternoon, as Ab told me he’d be home at lunchtime. And what sort of play? Either some spa time (my legs need to be waxed and Ab is learning how to do that) or some spanking fun. Or maybe both.
Ab told me that he thought the problem with the Abuddies last week was that I didn’t set it up enough. He likes it if it is a bit more of a “scene” with more preparation and anticipation. He likes being blindfolded, so he doesn’t know what to expect and also to be restrained. I’m a quick learner so he only needs to tell me once! I also need to do a little poking around the house to see what I can find for spanking in addition to the wooden paddle and Abuddies. Wood is good but as I am learning, it provides a particular sensation and I’d like a bit more variety. Something leather and something with tails would be nice. I’ll have to see what I can find. Eventually, I suspect, I’ll do some shopping but for the moment, I’ll see what “pervertibles” I can find hidden in the closet.
What a Great Idea! February 21, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: clothing, entrepreneurs, menstruation
I am 55 ½ years old and began menstruating when I was 13, so except for two 9-month breaks when I was pregnant, I have been having periods for 504 months or 42 years. I think I am getting too old for this but my body doesn’t agree and every month, like clockwork, “my friend” drops in for a visit. This month I guess my friend was lonely because she showed up 11 days early—probably to make up for the extended vacation she took during Christmas. Okay, maybe I’m not quite as regular as I used to be but I still average 11 periods/year.
Having a period is, to be blunt, a pain in the ass. I know it’s a normal body function, like peeing or pooping, but you have control over those (in most cases). Periods? None at all. The strategy is one of containment. The products on the market today are good, but not great, and unfortunately, even for the most vigilant women among us, accidents happen. For me, with my age-related irregularity, I am finding that accidents can be even more frequent, since my little friend may sneak up on me when I am not expecting her.
To my mind, there is nothing more humiliating in the world than a period accident. I once threw up in the middle of a hospital cafeteria (I was pregnant and experiencing morning sickness that went on all day for months). That was pretty embarrassing but nothing compared to the mortification of leaving a stain on a cloth seat in a public area (think, waiting room). I’d like to say that has only happened once in my life but if I did, I’d be lying.
Women don’t talk about this stuff (at least I don’t). I suffered privately and thought I must be the only doofus in the world who couldn’t figure out how to put a sanitary pad straight in my pants to prevent an accident. Then, a few weeks ago I came across this on Miss H’s Wicked Inamorata blog:
If C really wants to be humiliated, he should try discovering at work that he’s leaked through his pad and pants through to his office chair, as if he hadn’t dealt with periods over 2/3 of his life!
My soul sister!
In one of those perfect storm moments of my life, today I stumbled upon the Sexy Period website, following a link from Gawker. While the Gawker folks are of a somewhat mixed mind about these panties, I think it’s a fabulous idea! Attractive, sexy panties with an absorbent layer—they’re not designed to replace what you normally use but provide and extra measure of protection for those awkward moments—which I now understand are not mine privately but shared by many of us. Thank God for entrepreneurial young women!
I love the story. Company founders Julie Sygiel and Eunice Png met during an entrepreneurship class at Brown University. They don’t reveal how they got on the subject of protective undies but somehow they did—and realized their idea might not be as crazy as it seems at first. They graduated in 2009 and have been working since then to make their sexy panties and their business, Sexy Period, a reality.
Over the past few years, I have been a judge at a local business school for their annual innovation-to-market competition. Believe me, if Julie and Eunice had been competing, they would have gotten my vote for the $10,000 grand prize. According to their website, they have won some similar prizes, including the 2008 Rhode Island Elevator Pitch Competition and were finalists in the 2009 Rhode Island Business Plan Competition. Good for them!
They have moved from idea to prototype to preliminary market testing with an initial preview sale of 500 panties (I am customer number 419!). I am looking forward to having my Blossoming Beauty bikini pants arrive sometime in the next few weeks. You can be sure I’ll be giving them a vigorous test (do you expect anything less from the Devoted Lover Research Labs?) and lots of feedback to the company. And, I’ll keep everyone here posted, too!
For Miss H or anyone else reading this who might be interested: order quick. It looks like the prototype panties are selling fast.
Two New Pages February 20, 2011Posted by Dev in Correspondence.
Tags: administrivia, Kindle
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Quotes from Ab: XVI February 20, 2011Posted by Dev in Quotes from Ab.
Tags: fetish, spanking
“I should have never have made those things for you!”
The Abuddies (I have a matched set now) got a nice little workout last night. We had a quiet evening at home with a nice dinner and then doing what we usually do: watching a movie on Netflix, surfing the web. Ab fell asleep in his recliner and I eventually woke him up. “C’mon you,” I said. “Time for a little fun.”
I wanted Ab over my knee and that’s where he started. But the minute his bum got a little pink, he started squirming around, which means I have to keep after him. If he’d just stay put I’d keep swatting his hiney, but with all his wiggling, he got abuddied in other places, like his shoulders and thighs. “Please stop! Please stop!” (Our safeword, darling, if you remember is ‘Abigail,’ not ‘stop.’) He clearly has a very low pain threshold. When I watch videos of guys getting flogged or caned until they bleed, I just shake my head. We barely get to bright pink! LOL.
I might have to get some restraints and something to restrain him to, too. I like the “bow bench” that Ms. Marie had her husband build for her. I put in a work order for something similar to the production office but funny thing, it hasn’t appeared yet. I might have to have a talk with the foreman.
I posted this picture in my tumblr gallery but I thought I’d share here, too. I like the contrasts. The blue pj’s look like they have Oreos floating around on them. I can’t quite tell what’s on the pink ones. Horseshoes? Then my eye drifts down and I see the wrist restraints and shackles on his legs. HAWT!
A Snapshot of Sex in the US: 2010 February 19, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: anal sex, chastity lifestyle, Dan Savage, orgasm denial, survey findings
A series of surveys on sexual behavior in the US were published last October in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. I am not sure how I missed this when it came out because I usually pay attention to this sort of thing. Maybe Ab and I were too busy having sex. Anyway, I stumbled across it today through an article in Slate. If you want to read all the papers, you can download the journal here; it is available for free until December 2011. (You’ll have to answer a couple of survey questions first.)
The surveys were conducted by researchers at Indiana University. Astute readers will remember that’s where Dr. Alfred C. Kinsey, then a Professor of Zoology, became famous for his groundbreaking research on human sexuality, documented in publications in 1948 and 1953 respectively: Sexual Behavior in the Human Male and Sexual Behavior in the Human Female. Kinsey’s vision continues to this day at IU, through research conducted at the Kinsey Institute and the Center for Sexual Health Promotion. In an editorial that opens the collection, journal editor Irwin Goldstein, MD, comments:
At a time when we can have nudity on HBO but cannot use the names of our genitals on the evening news, there remains a need to continue research on sexual health.
[As an interesting aside, many consider Kinsey to be the first, pioneering researcher in the area of sexuality but two decades earlier, Ernest W. Burgess, PhD, Professor of Sociology at the University of Chicago was undertaking grounded theory research on homosexuality, primarily through participant observation at the "pansy clubs" in Chicago. Burgess's particular expertise was on marriage and the family but his work on homosexuality was never published. It has only recently come to light from researchers who have been studying his collected papers in the University of Chicago archives.]
I skimmed the articles in JSM. Since I work in a clinic where we care for people with HIV and AIDS, I was interested in the condom surveys. My takeaway: we still need to do more to promote condom use. And, of course, I was interested in the surveys on women.
The big change from the last time this survey was undertaken (1992) is that oral sex is no longer the hot game in town—now anal sex is. Surprise! Slate has an interesting synopsis of the findings, plus speculation on why women like it so much (hint: orgasms) so I won’t repeat it here. But it did cause me to reflect on Ab and me and our enjoyment of anal sex. This has been on my mind for a few days, prompted first by a question on the Chastity Forum and then by a blog post from L&N.
If you recall from this earlier post, I said I go through phases and one of those was my Brokeback Mountain phase. That was probably the time that we started experimenting with butt sex. No, we weren’t trying to be Jack and Ennis! LOL. I was hanging out on a couple of different Brokeback forums, however, and there was lots of discussion of sex, gay and otherwise. That was the first time in my life I had ever been in a community of people who were talking about sex in very intimate and frank detail. A lot of “Brokies” were married, straight women (myself included). All this talk about butt fucking naturally led to experimentation which was reported in (sometimes excruciating) detail. Unfortunately, many of these women tried anal intercourse with their husbands à la Ennis, that is, some spit in the hand and no warming up. It was not, as you can imagine, a satisfactory experience.
Fortunately for me, I had been reading Dan Savage for a few years at that point, so I knew a bit more about what to do, which is: 1) you can’t use too much lube; 2) take it slow; and 3) start small. And if you are us, maybe stay small. Ab once confessed a fisting fetish to me and although I think the concept is hot, I don’t think, realistically, it is ever going to happen.
I was thinking back to 1992. Was oral sex the big thing for us then? Actually, that’s when our children were toddlers so at that time, sex in general was sort of rare and anything was a big deal. But truth be told, oral had been on the sexual menu forever. Enjoyment of anal sex is newer, though, which puts us/me in line with the survey findings.
For those who might be interested in experimenting but are still a little hesitant, consider this comment from William Saletan at Slate:
Anal sex, more so than vaginal sex, seems to correlate with intimacy and commitment.
That certainly aligns with a chastity perspective. There were also comments from readers that reinforce our chastity experience: anal sex requires more time and attention to the woman, a long-drawn out period of foreplay, as it were. Men who derive pleasure from their wife’s/partner’s orgasm also commented that they were anal sex proponents. What didn’t get said was if men were willing to forego an orgasm in lieu of their partner’s pleasure. However, here in the Devoted Lover household, we know that’s the case.
A Heartfelt Thank You to my Sweet Valentine February 16, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, holiday
On the “holiest of Hallmark holidays,”* my sweet babboo eschewed the card shop and the mall and instead, gave me a gift from the heart. He baked me a blueberry pie, my favorite! It was a beautiful pie, too, and it tasted as good as it looked: in Ab’s words, “This is fucking delicious!” LOL, such a modest baker! I asked if he made it with frozen or canned blueberries and he looked at me in horror. “Frozen or canned? For you? Of course I bought fresh!”
“Fresh blueberries at this time of year?” I said. “That must have cost a fortune.” I was thinking of those little eight ounce containers at $2.99 each. It turns out that fresh blueberries were on sale—in Maine, in February? God knows where they came from! But a pint was $2.59 and he only needed three for this fabulous pie. I was so touched when I got home late from work and saw this waiting for me, along with some premium French vanilla ice cream. Yum!
And what did Ab get from me? Oh, a nice session of teasing in the cage, lots of hugs and kisses, some nipple tweaking…
Life is good.
*credit goes to Tom Allen for “holiest of Hallmark holidays.” Thanks, Tom!
Stages of Acceptance and Eroticizing the Mundane February 13, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, clothing, conceptual model, cross dressing, fetish, women and chastity
Two disparate trains of thought have been running through my mind over the past few days. I have been trying to pull them together because they seem to be related. Let me share them with you.
The first idea I was had to do with the various stages of acceptance a person goes through to accept chastity—or any fetish or kink that his/her partner may present. The scenario that I read most commonly usually has the man presenting an idea to his wife/girlfriend. Rarely do I see that these women are immediately accepting—in fact they may be totally opposed to the notion. The stages seem to be:
- Total confusion
- Weirded out (may be as extreme as total revulsion)
If the woman is moving to be GGG (good, giving, game) then
- Cautiously curious
- Grudging acceptance
- Enthusiastic participant
From what I have read, some women may stay in the first three stages in an endless loop. Their attitude seems to be, “I don’t want to talk about it, I don’t understand why you want to do that, it’s just weird.” The man, in response, becomes defensive, dejected, perhaps angry or depressed. He may move into “stealth mode” meaning he will participate in the activity, unbeknownst to his wife. Clearly none of this is psychologically healthy for either person.
If the wife decides she is willing to entertain the idea, she moves to the next series of steps. “Laissez-faire” is characterized by an “Okay, if you want to, but don’t ask me to be involved” attitude. Her husband, happy now that he is able to do what was previously forbidden let’s her know that he is grateful; this in turn triggers a cautious curiosity and tentative willingness to learn more. “Grudging acceptance” in chastity might be characterized by, “I’ll take the key but don’t expect much else” or, “I’m willing to play along with this according to some specific ground rules.” The final stage, wherein issues are resolved, is when the wife becomes an enthusiastic participant. This is what I was touching on in this post where I explored the concept of being equally invested.
How long does this take? That is totally individual. It might be years, or maybe a few months. In some couples it may occur fairly quickly.
Kelmag’s blog, Secret Chastity Husband, seems to chart this process quite well. At first, his wife had no interest and in fact, thought that the whole idea was pretty awful. He went into stealth mode—just look at the title of his blog! But they were able to work through their issues and have gotten to what seems to be grudging acceptance. (I know kelmag reads my blog so I’m sure he’ll correct me if I have mischaracterized what he and his wife have gone through.)
I tried to apply this to Ab, me, and chastity. It didn’t entirely work but it wasn’t completely off the mark. One of the big differences was that I introduced the idea to him and—well, frankly, guys have sex on the brain, right? And if his wife brings up a sort of kinky, hot idea, isn’t the husband likely to go along? Ab was confused, at first—he’d never heard of chastity, after all—but quickly moved to the curious stage. Now he is very much an enthusiastic participant, as am I.
All of this got me thinking about other things he had expressed interest in, things I might not have been as willing to accept. I have mentioned before that Ab has a touch of cross-dresser in him—and I wasn’t all that enthusiastic. I’ve tried to analyze my reluctance and I think it’s the fact that he’s a masculine guy and I like masculine men. I had no interest him wearing a wig, make-up, or lacy, frilly women’s clothes. But it was an interest of his and I suspect he might have had some stealth moments that I wasn’t aware of. Either way, he didn’t force the issue and I didn’t bring it up.
This issue has been on my mind more in recent months. I mean, he’s got five ounces of metal screwed on his cock and balls because that’s what I want, so, perhaps I should try to be slightly more accommodating of what he wants. That was the genesis of the idea of a kilt for his birthday—manly enough for me but it’s still a skirt, which gives him that cross-dressing thrill. As a matter of fact, the kilt has been a huge success, so much so that I’m thinking of getting him another one. Not just a comfy kilt to wear around the house, but one of the “real” ones that he can wear out and about. Are you listening to me, Ab?
He likes wearing the kilt and it makes him happy, so I began to think about another item of clothing that would be manly enough for me and womanly enough to tickle his fetish bone. He off-handedly mentioned having a maid’s outfit for when he does chores around the house. I certainly wasn’t into a black satin thing with layers of petticoats (what maid really dresses like that, anyway?) but something utilitarian would be fine. Once again, Amazon is my friend. I ordered up the housekeeping dress pictured above. It fits well and looks quite nice on him, actually. And when he puts it on, he moves into full housekeeper mode: today he cleaned the house from top to bottom, fixed the drain on the sink, figured out what’s wrong with the broken dishwasher (and we ordered up the necessary part), cooked me a delicious lunch (homemade tomato soup with cheddar-sausage balls on the side) and has a delicious dinner (braised short ribs) bubbling away in the crockpot. Oh, and he washed the dishes because the dishwasher is kaput at the moment.
All this because of a $35 dress? I should have bought one years ago. Oh well, live and learn.
As I was puzzling this out, I read this blog post from Celtic Queen and had an “A-ha!” moment. Sexualizing or eroticizing the mundane. As I said above, guys have sex on the brain. As Celtic Queen discovered, and now I have too, we can use this to our advantage.
To women out there who might be resisting chastity, for whatever reason: try to get over that GGG hump and let your man enjoy it. You may end up with a clean house in the process.
Introducing the Abuddy February 11, 2011Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: Abuddy, chastity lifestyle, fetish, spanking
The other day I was browsing the Cane-iac website, pondering buying a cane or flogger, when I came across the “spanking buddy” pictured to the left. That looked like a fun little item to add to the toy chest. But here in the Devoted Lover Research Labs, there is no need to spend money on something made of wood—all I need to do is put in a work order to the production office and a prototype magically appears. Sometimes I am amazed at just how quickly the prototype shows up! Below are two pictures of me modeling the “Abuddy” (get it? LOL). The Abuddy is made of cherry, not maple or oak, and is 10 mm thick. Ten millimeters is about 3/8″ of an inch, so slightly less than the ½” spanking buddy at the Cane-iac site. I wonder if the thickness was selected thinking of my delicate, feminine hand or was somebody worried about his backside and just how much fun I might have with the Abuddy in place? Hmmm…
It has a very nice elastic strap held in place by six brass tacks—three on each side. Elastic is not kept in stock at the shop, thus I was impressed that Ab made a special trip to JoAnn Fabrics—a store he does not usually frequent—to buy some. Is it his enthusiasm for prototype designing or the dream of being spanked that drives him? Probably a little of both.
I noticed that the tacks seem like they could easily be removed and during a vigorous workout of the Abuddy and this could be problematic, so I am going to apply some SuperGlue to hold them in place. We’ll see if that does the trick.
I suggested to Ab that I needed one for my left hand, too, for some dual-handed spanking action. He gave me his usual anxious look but I suspect a sinistra Abuddy will appear, to be a companion to my dextra. Then I’ll have a matched set.
* * * * *
I am still trying to sort out in my mind my growing interest in spanking—and Ab’s growing desire. I really don’t think he’s a “pain slut,” as mikecb would say, and I know I am not a sadist. I am also not viewing it as punishment or domestic discipline or some other method of “retraining” Ab. We seem to be coming at this from a completely different mindset of wants and needs. As I was thinking about this, I read this blog post from servingB which seems to touch on what we are feeling. Thanks, sB, for expressing it so eloquently.
* * * * *
I have a little touch of cystitis, I am sure as a result of all our fun and games on Tuesday. “Honeymoon” cystitis as my mother used to say. This is a problem I’ve had all my life and I’m used to it. I can clear it up naturally by drinking a few gallons of water and cranberry juice. I also just took 180 mg of cranberry in capsule form. While I know I’ll be fine, it does make me a little pussy-shy at the moment (hands off, Ab!) which is even more reason to put some spanking fun on the agenda. Ab, are you ready?