Quotes from Ab: XI September 30, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings, Quotes from Ab.
Tags: chastity, male chastity, orgasm denial, devices, key holder, women and chastity, Thumper, forums
“You can trust me.”
We’re trying something a little different today. In anticipation of the Jailbird’s arrival, Ab is on the honor system and not wearing his CB-6000s. I hope the Jailbird will arrive today and the CB will become a thing of the past. Even if the JB doesn’t arrive until tomorrow, I’m not sure he’s going back into the CB. I was just looking at it and it’s sort of grody. I really don’t like plastic.
I’m the keyholder so it was my decision to take it off. Why? A couple of reasons. One, there’s a thread over at Chastity Forums about the honor system. Many men say they use the honor system and it works—although at times it may require a bit more mental energy than just being locked up. I figure that Ab has 6+ weeks of being locked. He can be on the honor system for a day or two. I want to see how that works.
But second, and more importantly, I want to see if he’s gotten to a place of preferring to be locked. Last night we were talking about my fantasy of having him thank me for being locked. He said he wasn’t sure if that would happen—yet—but he does like wearing his CB and it feels comfortable and natural. Is it so comfortable and natural that that’s the way he wants to be? Dressed for dinner as it were? We’ll see.
Last, the Jailbird is special—a step up, beautiful steel, custom made. Sized just for Ab. I figure that putting something like that on requires a bit of a ceremony. It’s not just a matter of taking off device A and putting on device B. It needs a moment. So I am giving my cock a little vacation until its new outfit arrives.
Of course, even though the lock is off, Ab understands: no orgasms, no touching, no self-stimulation, no masturbation. Hence, “You can trust me.” I know he’ll be reading this so darling, I do trust you. Don’t let me down.
* * * * *
Another comment from Ab was that he really likes the blog and has become a very regular reader, even though the doesn’t comment publicly (he comments to me in private). He says it adds an interesting dimension to our chastity game—he knows exactly what I am thinking and feeling, which gives him additional insight into his own feelings and thoughts.
Many newcomers to chastity do start blogs and this is probably part of the reason why. It’s a nice way to explore something that seems very different—on the surface, putting a lock on your man’s penis does seem a little strange—but as you get into it, you realize it’s not strange at all. Sharing that knowledge, though, seems to part of the process and blogging is the 21st century way to do so.
Thumper made a comment in his blog that most new chastity blogs last an average of 64 days. I’m 36 days in and to become an outlier of his mean, I’d need to get beyond 128 days which would be sometime in mid-January (probably right around Ab’s birthday). Since Ab has committed to the game until at least March, I am in good shape for achieving blogging longevity.
* * * * *
Update on ChastityForums.com: Since being launched on Saturday, Chastity Forums has had a very nice start and currently boasts 66 members. I volunteered to be a mod, telling Thumper that I thought he needed a woman to provide some balance to the men. He readily agreed. I am excited about this. To women who are reading here, please consider coming and joining us, and maybe even making a comment or two. We have a few other keyholders and they seem to be strong, assertive, confident, and most of all—fun. I know there are many reluctant or questioning women out there—the men who email me asking questions or wanting info for their wives confirm this. I keep suggesting that they have their wives read this blog and join the forum. Here’s another open invitation to jump into the game, get your questions answered, and maybe make a few new friends.
And oogle a few good looking guys, too. I’m in charge of the man-candy. . As they say, “Come on in, the water’s fine.”
Could It Be…Maybe? September 29, 2010Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
Tags: chastity outcomes, clothing, female orgasm, Jailbird, male chastity, orgasm denial, women and chastity
I had an orgasm this morning that was stimulated by my husband’s fingers and tongue. At first I wasn’t completely sure but after relaxing and enjoying the warm tingly afterglow I realized that yes, this was the real thing. As a faking orgasm addict in recovery, my orgasm sensitivity meter is a little out of whack, but I am working on re-calibrating it. This morning gave me a chance to test it out.
As I have mentioned previously, I have a very bad habit of faking orgasms. This faking behavior was part of the reason I got so hooked on my vibrators—I know I will come when Ab uses one of those so I have no need to fake or pretend.
Fingers and tongue are another matter, though.
I know that women take a long time to build to climax. Whether I take longer than most women or I am average, I don’t know. I just know that at times it can seem like a long time to me. Sometimes I would become impatient or concerned that my husband was getting bored or tired. That would trigger the faking response. Using the vibrator effectively eliminated that problem. But then I had another crutch.
One of the great things about our chastity game is now the pleasure is on me—Ab is not going to have an orgasm no matter how much he wants or desires it. I can make him moan and groan and feel all kinds of bottled up desire (he tells me it feels like a champagne bottle that is about to pop, but someone forgot to remove the wire over the cork). Meanwhile, that bottled up energy thrums out of his fingers, his mouth, his body—and gets poured all over me. So nice…
He woke me up this morning, massaging my back. It was a fortuitous moment because I was having a really bad dream so I was happy to be pleasurably brought to consciousness. I let him massage me for awhile, then turned over. I reached for his cock, he reached for my clit. We continued stroking…pleasuring.
I gave myself into the sensations. I wanted to feel him stimulate me. My hips began to buck, the first involuntary reaction. He fingered harder. I almost said, “Get the vibrator,” but I didn’t. I wanted to see how far we could make it without mechanical stimulation.
A few more minutes passed. He pulled away, turned on his side and took my breast into his mouth (his post-stimulation relaxation mode). “No,” I said, “I need more.” He shifted in the bed and put his mouth on my pussy. My hips raised again, seeking that stimulation. His tongue is stronger than his fingers.
In this position (sort of a quasi-69 with Ab on his knees), his balls and cock hang down nicely and are very accessible and easy to massage. Easier than in the other position, actually. I stroke which in turn excites him—now the energy travels out of his body through his tongue and my clit is the happy recipient.
The urge to ask for the vibrator was gone. That was a very good sign. My hips thrust. I let the feelings engulf me. I could feel the pulsing in my chest. I edged…I tipped…I came! Yes!
On the Dev Orgasm-o-Meter, a vibrator orgasm can routinely be a 7 or 8. This was probably a 4. But believe me, at 5 am on a Wednesday morning, halfway through the workweek and ready to face another busy day, a level 4 orgasm feels pretty damn good. I’m not complaining.
And for me, this was a real woman orgasm. This is one of the reasons I don’t read het erotica anymore. The women’s sexual responses are always so freaking fake. They all drop like leaky faucets (I don’t drip). They can stimulate themselves by lightly touching their pussy, even if they are wearing layers of clothes (I need direct clitoral stimulation). They come quickly (for me, see above). Their orgasms are always an 11 on a 10 point scale (mine rarely are). Yes, I know these are supposed to be fantasy, designed to titillate, but I eventually realized they left me flat. That’s when I switched over to the guys (male/male) for my pleasure reading.
At some point during our lovemaking, I whispered my fantasy to Ab:
“I want you to get me excited,” I said. “I want to be hot and ready. Then, I’ll unlock you. I’ll take your cock cage off. Your cock will be hard and strong. You’ll fuck me. Fuck me until I have an orgasm. Then we’ll stop and I’ll immediately lock you back up.” I paused. “And as I click the lock, you’ll say thank you.”
I could hear a hitch in Ab’s throat. I knew he thought it was hot, too. “I don’t think that’s possible,” he said, his voice low and rough.
“What? The making me come with your cock? Or you not coming at all?”
“Me…me not coming.”
“But you could make me come with your cock?”
He gave me a look. It’s never happened. Can we make it happen? If we work enough on the pleasure and giving all that pleasure to me?
Something delicious to think about, that’s for sure.
* * * * *
Jailbird update: I received an email from Mr. Mature Metal that the Jailbird went out in yesterday’s mail. Yippee! Depending on how speedy the Pony Express is between Texas and New England, I should definitely have it by Friday, Thursday if we’re lucky. I’ll keep everyone posted. In anticipation of its arrival, I texted Ab to shave his pubes nice and smooth because I don’t want any stray hair in there when that lovely metal cage gets locked on. He happily complied.
* * * * *
Undies update: I ordered a bunch of cotton thongs for Ab, and two made of knit “mansilk.” The cotton ones are all blending together in his mind, to be honest, so it is hard to give individual reviews. They are all comfortable and provide good support, but the waistbands remind him of underwear (remember, this is the man who has been underwear free for many years). That makes them feel slightly restricting and confining.
The mansilk thongs, on the other hand, are a huge hit. Low rise, no waistband, and the material feels silky and smooth against his skin (his fetish—silky). The knit silk, however, provides good support so there isn’t a trade-off in the silk vs. cotton department. Even though they have to be handwashed, that seems to be a tiny minor drawback given that these rate high on both the sexy and comfort scales.
Overall: A. Ordered from: His Room. I ordered the very conservative black and indigo; since they are such a hit, I think I am going to let myself go and order a few more pairs in eggplant, pewter, and port. Cost: $16. Free shipping on orders over $40. Disclaimer: I have no interest in or connection to this company. I discovered it through Google.
Cuckolding: It’s Not For Me September 28, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, Dan Savage, It Gets Better Project, male chastity, women and chastity
That should not come to as much of a surprise to regular readers since I commented on this fact in one of my very first posts. However, yesterday I got to surfing around the Internet and somehow landed on a bunch of sites that had cuckold scenarios, whether fantasies, (allegedly) real, or soon-to-be real. I read the blogs, looked at the pictures and when I was done was I turned on? Not at all. In fact, if anything, I was a little depressed.
Cuckolding, even as a fantasy does nothing for me. Absolutely nothing. Part of it is my practical mind. To make it happen, I’d have to meet a man, I’d have to be attracted to him, and somehow or another, we’d have to get to the point of having sex. It all sounds like a lot of work. LOL. But more importantly, I think it has to do a lot with energy, too.
Ab has been locked up for 6 weeks and 1 day. Although he manages to keep the feelings at a manageable level, I know he’s horny and experiencing a level of sexual frustration that is completely new to him. He takes that frustration and sexual energy and turns it on me and…I love it. Love it! I feel like he is shining a spotlight on me—I am the star on his stage, the center of his universe. I know I am the most important thing in his life.
His energy in turn fuels my energy, which is also at higher levels than I have felt in years. So, I ask myself, why would I want to take that and give it to someone else? It doesn’t make sense to me. I know, fantasies don’t all have to be rooted in reality but many of mine are. Thus, taking my sexual energy and sharing it with a man who is not my husband? It’s not erotic, it’s just…dumb.
I bring this up in case I have any reluctant wives among my readers. (Ladies, you never comment and that’s okay, but I hope you are reading and taking notes!). You don’t have Google very hard before you find that chastity discussions veer into the cuckolding issue. Even Sarah Jameson admits it is a major fantasy of hers and writes about it in her book and blog. (Sarah is very careful to say, however, that it is just that—a fantasy—and will remain that way.) But…maybe you’re like me. The idea of cuckolding makes your skin crawl and is a major turn-off. So when you read about it, especially from those who make it sound like an inevitable outcome of chastity, then it stands to reason that the whole idea of chastity becomes less enticing to you. This makes perfect sense.
But I am here to say: take it from one wife who is bucking the dominant paradigm. No cuckolding for us, no cuckolding fantasies. No third parties in our bedroom. If I want a cock in my vagina and the strap-on isn’t doing it for me, all I have to do is take out the key, unlock him, and say, “Let’s get to work, big boy.”
If you are considering chastity and if you’re nervous or uncomfortable about the cuckolding scenario, then set it as a ground rule. Make it clear that it is not something that interests or entices you and you don’t want it as part of the game. Ab will read this sometime in the next day or two, so now he knows how I feel. We’ve haven’t really talked about it (because the issue wasn’t clear in my mind) but now that I have sorted this out, I can say: no cuckold fantasies for us. Okay, sweetie? Thanks!
* * * * *
Update on the It Gets Better Project: Dan Savage is getting some good publicity and response to his project to reach out to LGBTQ youth through videos that say, “It Gets Better.” Time Magazine has a good article that you can read here. There is an interesting quote from the American Association on Suicidology:
overall figures on teen suicide rates are likely underestimated, since many premeditated deaths involving car crashes or drugs end up being ruled as accidental.
Further on in the article is a comment on the issue that concerns me:
“One of the really frustrating things to me after his death was that it wasn’t in the media. No one was outraged that this boy had basically been harassed until he couldn’t take it anymore. … It felt like no one really cared.”
So very true.
Take a few minutes to watch some of the videos. They really are very powerful. Once again, kudos to Dan and his husband Terry for spearheading this project.
Re: the graphic today. I couldn’t find anything that looked like “cuckholding” and on top of that, I didn’t really want to. LOL. So I used the nice picture of Dan and Terry from the Time article instead. Works for me!
Finding Your Inner Kinkster September 27, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: being in public, chastity lifestyle, Dan Savage, fetish, kinky, Sarah Jameson, women and chastity
1 comment so far
I received an email from a guy asking my advice on various chastity devices. Since I have experience with two (and we’re waiting impatiently for number three) I told him what I could, for which he thanked me. He then went on to say that at the present moment, he and his wife are practicing chastity on the honor system. Her reluctance to having him wear a device stemmed from her concern that it was too kinky.
That got me thinking about the idea of “too kinky.” Where exactly is the threshold and when does one hit the limit?
If you subscribe to the Dan Savage concept of being GGG together (good, giving, game) then the threshold for “too kinky” is defined by the couple. Chastity works well in this paradigm. Person A brings up the idea. Person B says, “I’ll think about it,” and then after thinking says, “Let’s give it a try.” They try it for awhile and it either works or it doesn’t. This is actually where Ab and I are right now. We’re trying it. He has been very willing to wear a device and let me call the shots about when it comes off and when he has an orgasm. He has also set limits on how long we’ll try this game—currently at six months. Maybe it will get extended longer (right now, I am hoping so) or perhaps we’ll decide that this was fun but it’s not really for us. The point is, even if one person in the couple thinks something is weird or kinky, s/he is willing to open his/her mind to give the experience a fair shake. That’s being GGG.
I am trying to think of something where I might flat out refuse. Fetishes involving bodily discharges (semen excepted, of course) don’t really turn me on. If Ab asked me to pee on his face? I might counter with, “Exactly how am I supposed to do this? You know we have a really small bathroom and I don’t want to do this in bed.” (There’s a good way of wiggling out of something! LOL). Other discharges (I am not going to get too specific here)…I would probably say no. Thing is, I don’t think he is going to ask.
Following this train of thought, if Ab asked me to do something that involved a public display, I would probably have a hard time with that. As I said in another post, I am not an exhibitionist. If Ab said he wanted to wear a wig, make-up, and a dress and go out to dinner, I am not sure I could accede to his request. I am willing to be kinky in private but our sex lives and kinks are not necessarily things I want to share with others. But if was really important to him, I’d try to work it through in my mind and find a way where I could say yes—or at least come up with an acceptable compromise.
Thinking about this also made me realize: many—most—kinks easily hidden. Even though Ab is wearing a CB and I have the key on my nipple ring, no one outside of us will ever see or know that (of course, my thousands of readers are privy to this private bit of our lives. ). Yes, a trip to the emergency room might blow our cover (as I mused here) but in that rare instance, chastity is probably going to be the last thing on our minds.
A man who likes to wear lacy panties under his business attire (I suspect this is actually quite common), a woman who likes to wear men’s BVDs—who is ever going to see this, or care? No one. What are kinks that might be visible? Hitting a person to the point that you leave evidence, such as a black eye? (Is that a kink, or abuse?) Fetishes involving hair or nails, both of which take time to grow? Make-up is easy to put on and wash off, as are clothes. Piercings, body modifications? Again, easily hidden. For certain body mods, I think they veer into obsessions, not kinks. See the The Lizardman for an example of this.
Going back to my original email, he said his wife was wondering if it is “too kinky.” I suppose, for a lot of very vanilla people, chastity is kinky. I don’t see it that way—as Sarah Jameson says, it is a gateway kink—but I have come to realize that I have a kinky streak that is a mile wide so I might not be the best judge of what other women are thinking and feeling.
But, maybe it’s not a GGG issue. Maybe it’s a “good girl” issue or “if someone knew I was doing this…” (which seems to be intimately tied up with being a good girl).
I’ve already established that chastity is a private kink. No one, outside of you and your husband/partner needs to know nor is there any way they will easily find out. Bringing up sexual topics in casual conversation with friends or acquaintances just doesn’t happen—at least in my experience (maybe I need new friends!). And if it does come up, then there is probably a reason for the interest. So instead of worrying about being judged negatively, think about being judged positively. “You’re doing what? Oh fuck, I wish I was brave enough to try that…”
Of course, the “good girls” will never be able to see it positively and that will, unfortunately, bring out your inner good girl who in turn, tell you what you are doing is wrong. But it’s not. Women need to learn how to banish their inner good girl—or at least the one who rules the sex roost.
It’s the Madonna/whore conundrum. Men want whores but they marry Madonnas (and no, I don’t mean the singer!). But once you’re married, it’s okay to let loose. And I think, husbands want this. They want their wife to be their beloved life partner and their sexual fantasy. Women, unfortunately, repress those fantasies. That is the reason that for the vast majority of couples who are exploring chastity, it was originally the man’s idea. That statement is probably true for a whole lot of other kinks, too. Men want it, women say no. But the thing is, ladies, if we want to be sexually adventurous, if we want to keep a marriage interesting and sustainable for the long-term, we need to find the kinkster who lives inside.
I started finding my inner kink about three weeks after our wedding. I have a very clear memory of doing some really fun stuff with a wine bottle. Of course, the next morning, the good girl came out and lectured me. This was the pattern for a long time: try something, feel guilty, retreat until the next time that kinky Dev reasserted herself. It took a long time—years—before I could finally accept that I like sex with a decided edge to it. Now I know I am constantly looking for the next edge. Thus, chastity.
So…my email friend…show this post to your wife. Tell her it gave me some good food for thought and I enjoyed thinking this through in my mind. Have her sit down at the computer with you and look at the CB devices and the ones from Mature Metal, along with any other sites you have bookmarked. Tell her they’ll arrive in a plain brown box…the postman won’t know what he’s delivering (besides, he could care less). Tell her that this is important for you and she’ll enjoy the outcome.
Tell her that being kinky is okay. Because…it really is.
Good luck and report back.
The Key is Back on my Nipple Ring… September 26, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: key holder, nipple rings, piercings
where it belongs. It is on the left side which is the side Ab prefers as he likes to suckle on the right. Getting it back on the left side was a slightly weird experience, however.
As I mentioned, I took it off on Friday because my right breast was sore. I left on on the bedside table because I knew Ab would want the key for cleaning—he’s made it clear he wants to take the CB off on Tuesday and Friday when he showers. Several commenters said I should either put the key back on its ring or hide it. Leaving it out might send a message of disinterest to Ab. Taking this advice to heart, that’s what I did—I thought. Yesterday morning I very carefully clasped the chain and put the key away in the same hiding place with the spare, a hiding place that Ab has no knowledge of.
This morning, as I was getting dressed, I gave both breasts a good massage, tugged on the rings, and decided all the soreness was gone. Plus, I realized I missed having the key on my nipple ring and wanted it back in place. I can feel it when I am wearing it and that’s a nice reminder to me of the commitment Ab and I have—what we are working towards. I am sure he is consciously aware of the CB 90% of the time. I like having the same physical presence.
I went to the hiding place and surprise! No key. Huh? I searched all around. The spare was there but not my key on its chain.
I hunted around in different places. I looked in my jewelry box, a few other little boxes on my dresser….nothing. I looked in the old hiding place for the spare…not there either. I looked on the bedside table. I even looked in the bottle of Tylenol on the bedside table. No key!
I was seriously annoyed. I knew exactly where I had put the key away. I could picture myself doing it. Where had it gone?
I was also annoyed because this meant I had only one key for the lock. Is it better to have a spare? Should I rush off to the hardware store and buy a new lock with two keys? Also, the chain it is on (which is actually meant to be worn as a bracelet) was the perfect length and weight, plus being 14 karat gold, which matched my nipple rings. I don’t have another one of those. Would I have to go to the jewelry store, too, and buy another bracelet?
I asked Ab. He denied all knowledge and told me he had no idea where my current hiding place is. I knew that was true but I still couldn’t figure out what was going on.
I kept checking back in the hiding place. Nothing.
Finally, at 3 pm, I decided it was Sunday afternoon naptime. I went into the bedroom, put my iPhone on the bedside table and there…was the key. On its chain. The chain was unclasped and spread out, just as I had left it on Friday morning. How weird was that?
I am of the belief that things go missing on purpose and when they go missing it is a sign for us to slow down and pay attention. I actually had a set of keys once that went missing in my office—they were gone for two weeks before they reappeared, sitting in the middle of the spare desk that was there (I was a single in a double). Today the key was gone for only a few hours, but I still got the message. Slow down and pay attention. I need to be mindful of that.
Meanwhile, my key is back on my nipple ring and it feels good. I realized I actually missed it. I like having it close to my breast and my heart. It also makes me curious—where do other keyholders keep their keys? Please share in the comments. I’d like to know.
Over at the new Chastity Forums, likes2blocked commented that my picture is quite distracting. Thanks, sweetie. That’s why I’ve posted it again. Just for you.
Review: Male Chastity A Guide for Keyholders September 26, 2010Posted by Dev in Reviews.
Tags: book review, chastity lifestyle, key holder, male chastity, women and chastity
Title: Male Chastity: A Guide for Keyholders
Author: Lucy Fairbourne
Publisher: Velluminous Press
Length: 93 pages
Format: Print; no ebook
Rating: 4 stars out of 5
Purchased from Amazon. Price: $13.45
I read this slim volume in about an hour and re-read it this morning to write this review. All in all, it’s not a bad book but the fact that it is so short means that some topics do get treated superficially. It is very much directed to the novice keyholder or, as some reviewers have commented, for the “vanilla” wife. The overall tone is reassuring and non-threatening although some inconsistencies keep me from giving it a full five stars.
The book is written by a woman and directed to a female audience. While a man could certainly read it, I think he’d feel like he’s reading about himself, rather than getting practical advice on chastity from the man’s point of view. Even so, I think men seeking info on chastity have other resources available to them; thus, in this way, this book fills a niche.
As I said, the tone is reassuring and non-threatening. The author comments that a woman might have received this book as a gift from her partner/husband; in that scenario she is likely to know little about chastity and the comforting tone will probably help to allay her fears about this new “hobby” or “game” her husband has suddenly become interested in. On the other hand, Fairbourne does not present chastity as a game. She is very serious about why a couple might choose chastity and what they can gain from it. This, unfortunately, may be a deterrent for some women. As I noted in this post the other day, a woman who is presented with chastity as a major lifestyle choice in which her husband will undergo a giant personality change may be very reluctant to learn more. And that’s not such an odd reaction, is it? So in that respect, even though the tone in the book is reassuring, the content is presented in such a serious way that the ultimate goal—to have a woman accept the role of keyholder—may backfire.
Along these same lines, Fairbourne makes it sound like it is very easy to screw up and ruin the chastity experience. For example, if a man is begging and pleading to be unlocked and allowed to orgasm, and the woman (keyholder) gives in to this, then, the woman has “lost control.” She is the one who is supposed to have total charge and if she gives in to whining, then she is not in charge and thus, she is a failure as a keyholder. Sorry—I am a great believer in do-overs. Giving in isn’t giving up, in my opinion. Fairbourne makes it seem very black and white, while I think there are lots of shades of gray.
Fairbourne makes the assumption that all men who desire chastity are submissive and thus, all keyholders must be dominant. If the woman isn’t dominant to begin with, she must find her inner domme. If that inner domme doesn’t exist, then it is likely that chastity isn’t going to work for the couple. Again, I think this is an extreme point of view that I don’t agree with. In my own relationship, Ab and I have come to the realization that we’re both sort of submissive (more submissive than dominant, that’s for sure). That probably explains why I view our chastity experience as a partnership rather than a situation where I am 100% in charge—although I am working harder on being in charge. This also explains why I tend to give in so easily when he asks for the key for cleaning! That aside, I think dominant and submissive can be very loaded words. A man who desires chastity may be submissive but he may not—he may just want to give up some control. I think Fairbourne errs by making the assumption that all men are.
The last point on which I disagree with Fairbourne relates to communication. She writes:
The subject of male chastity might crop up in conversations between you at first (your man might find it particularly interesting)…There’s no need for you to allow this to become an obsession…If necessary, put your foot down and tell him not to mention it anymore unless he has an actual problem to report.
Huh? One of the biggest benefits that I have experienced from chastity (besides an amazing number of great orgasms) is having wonderfully improved communication with my husband. We’ve talked about chastity, ourselves, our marriage, and our relationship. We’ve sorted out problems and issues and come through on the other side. Communication is key to the chastity game. Not talking is akin to “lock him and leave him” at least in my mind. Why would anyone want to do that?
Even with these complaints, it’s not a bad book and useful information is presented in its 93 pages. It’s short length might be a plus for the nervous or intimidated wife since it can be completely read in an hour or two. If you can only afford one book then I’d recommend Sarah Jameson’s Be Careful What You Wish For over this. But if you can afford two, then this wouldn’t be a bad purchase to add to your collection.
Announcing ChastityForums.com September 26, 2010Posted by Dev in Correspondence, Musings.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, forums, Thumper
Thumper has started a new forum, ChastityForums.com. Yet another chastity blog or forum to keep up with, you say? Here’s his rationale and it makes sense to me…
I have decided to start a new forum for male chastity enthusiasts. I did this because the one I had previously endorsed has decided to start running some skeezy ads. That decision made me realize that I really have no idea who’s forum that was. There was just this mysterious “Admin” guy who showed up irregularly and didn’t really participate. Who is this guy? Is he one of us? What are his intentions? No idea.
So anyway, I know a little something about forums. And I like forums. So, start one I did. I hope you’ll join me and help make it the best place on the web for male chastity enthusiasts to discuss their lives. I’d prefer if the French maid outfit/sissy clitty crowd remain over on Chastity Mansion because they seem very happy there and, really, why not just leave it that way? Chastity Forums is for the rest of us. You know who you are.
Like Thumper, I like forums, too. Blogs are great for sharing opinions and so on, but if you really want to chat with someone, I think it is easier to do in a forum environment. So, I am very glad he decided to take this on.
I am already registered, as Dev (big surprise!) and you’ll definitely recognize my avatar. Do drop in and say hello!
Quotes from Ab: X September 25, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings, Quotes from Ab.
Tags: male chastity, orgasm denial, vibrator, key holder, clothing
“Aaargh! AAARGH! AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH!”
That was Ab at 3 am.
We had an unusual night last night. I wasn’t feeling 100%—my breast is still sore (I think it has to do with where I am in my monthly cycle), sometime during the day I twisted my ankle and it was aching and to top it all off, I smashed my thumb. By 10:30 pm, I was feeling the effects of a long, busy week and was ready to hit the sack.
Ab told me he’d meet me in bed shortly. At 10:53 pm I sent a text message that said, “Come to bed, I want to play with my cock.” To be honest, I don’t even remember sending that message. I think I must have been half-asleep and was just throwing out a little spiciness to remind him that we are still playing the game—even if I wasn’t really in the mood.
Next thing I know, it’s 3 am. No Ab next to me in bed and the house is still lit up like a Christmas tree. This is very odd. Ab and I both like to sleep in bed—not on the couch, not on the recliner. We even take naps in bed. Not having him next to me was strange.
I got up to find out where he was. He had fallen asleep in the easy chair in the kitchen! He was awake now, though. We turned off all the lights, started the dishwasher and went to bed—back to bed for me.
A few hours sleep was enough to take the edge off my aches and pains and suddenly, we were lunging at each other like a pair of demented rabbits. “Aaargh! AAARGH!” shouted Ab, literally at the top of his lungs. “I so fucking want it!” he moaned.
I wasn’t much better. I writhed. I squirmed. I shouted too. Out came the Hitachi Magic Wand—no starting with the Wahl, we went right to the big boy. I was very conscious of the key, which was still next to me on the bedside table. Could I unlock him? I so wanted to feel his velvety cock skin. I knew it would be smooth and hard. I knew his erection would be perfect.
I also knew that if I unlocked him, we’d be fucking, he’d be coming, and that would be that. No ruined orgasm or orgasm denial for for Ab. This would be the real thing.
In the end, it was a moot point. I’m not sure I could’ve gotten the CB unlocked and off, even if I decided that was what I wanted to do. The way we were thrashing around, the last thing I could have accomplished was getting a tiny little key in a tiny little lock and getting the whole contraption off his junk. So, it just stayed.
We shouted some more, got the hormones flowing at top speed and then…puddle time. Ab went to sleep pretty quick. I lay awake for awhile and just enjoyed the afterglow. For a few minutes, I was able to forget my boob, my ankle and my sore thumb. Life was very good in the wee hours of the morning.
* * * * *
Underwear Update: Ab’s underwear arrived on Thursday. First up for review: Calvin Klein Men’s Body Thong
Pros: Very attractive, very comfortable (according to Ab) and well-fitting. Provides good support. He wore it all day without any problems.
Cons: The waistband is a little wide, according to Ab. He said for men who are used to wearing underwear, they might not mind it, but it felt big to him. To me, the logo is quite noticeable (I get tired of designers plastering their name all over everything). That said, it does remind me of Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) in Back to the Future when he was wearing his Calvins, so I guess I don’t mind the logo all that much.
Specs: 100% cotton, machine wash. Purchased from Amazon. Price: $18 (although it is on sale right now for $13.50)
* * * * *
Correction: Yesterday in the blog I wrote that Ab would wake up every morning and masturbate next to me. He took issue with that. “It wasn’t everyday,” he said. “It was more like once a week.”
“Once a week?” I replied. “I don’t think so. I knew what you were doing over there.”
“Yeah, but I wasn’t doing it everyday.”
“Well,” I said, “my recollection is that it was pretty frequent. If not everyday, then maybe every other day.” I paused. “Why didn’t you wake me up, anyway? Why masturbate if I was right next to you. I mean, I was awake.”
“Yes, but you pretended you were asleep.”
“You gave off a vibe you didn’t want to be disturbed.”
Oh. Okay. Things are better now.
The other day I mused about a comment in Cricketed’s blog.
I can’t even imagine masturbating anymore. The idea of it strikes me as ridiculous, to tell the truth.
“Do you feel that way?” I asked Ab.
He shook his head. “No, not at all,” he replied honestly.
“Do you think you could get to that point?”
He paused. “I’m not sure. Maybe? But is that what I want?”
Personally, I think it’s an admirable goal.
* * * * *
One last update: A few weeks ago, Ab said he’d be willing to play this game until at least the end of the year. Last night, he said he’d be willing to play for at least six more months, maybe longer. “I’m having a lot of fun,” he said. “You seem to be having a lot of fun.”
“Oh yes,” I agreed. “I certainly am.”
“But it seems to be better if we play for the long haul.”
This is good. I have a guarantee of at least March.
Quotes from Ab: IX September 24, 2010Posted by Dev in Quotes from Ab.
Tags: male chastity, chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, women and chastity
“I love you.” “I missed you today.”
I love you is not so unusual—Ab says that to me quite a bit and I do too. But “I missed you today”? That was a surprise. I don’t hear that very often.
As I have mentioned, I work late on Mondays. Ab always waits to have dinner with me, even if it is around 9 pm. Anyway, this past Monday, as we were eating, “I missed you today” just popped out of his mouth. I was very surprised, and touched. “You missed me?” I said.
He nodded. “Yes…we had had a nice weekend together, went out to lunch, talked a lot…I realized today, I missed you.”
That feeling has gone on through the week, for both of us. It hit me that we are both in a very good emotional place, very loving and affectionate. It is clear that Ab has reached a certain level of sexual frustration and pent-up energy and he is turning all that energy on me. What a powerful and empowering feeling that is! I feel like a bright, hot light is being shined directly on me—sort of like being in the spotlight on stage. He misses me, he wants me, he desires me. I am loving that and because it feels so good, I will do just about anything to keep the feeling going. Little kindnesses, gifts, sexual teasing—it’s all good.
* * * * *
We’ve gotten into a different routine in the morning. Ab has always gotten up before me to go to work (he’s much more of a morning person than I am). Generally he’d wake up at 5 am, masturbate, then get up. I knew what he was up to but I usually pretended to be asleep since his wanking didn’t involve me. And why didn’t it involve me? There’s a question I never asked.
Now, I let him know I am awake. We cuddle, we kiss. I have discovered I really love giving him an early morning ball massage, complete with groans of frustration. If the vibrator makes an appearance, that’s a bonus for me, but it doesn’t have to. I fantasize about unlocking him but I don’t actually do it because we have a goal. Then, after 15 or 20 minutes, he gets up and I stay in bed, enjoying the tingly afterglow. I think this is a very good way to start the day, much better than having an alarm blaring in your ear and waking you from a deep, sound sleep. A gradual rise to consciousness with affectionate loving is much better for our nervous systems and emotional health, in my opinion.
And then, I am ready to start my day, too.
* * * * *
The key is off my nipple ring, at least for the moment.
It started off on the right side, then a few weeks ago, I switched it to the left. My left nipple has always been the more tender and temperamental one so after a week or ten days, it was feeling a little sore, thus the key got switched back to the right. Now the right one is feeling sore—but not in the same way. It’s sort of like I feel a bruise in my breast. That was alarming and not particularly comfortable so I decided to just take break for today and see if the feeling subsides.
For the moment, the key is on the bedside table and it’s not hidden. It doesn’t need to be. Another realization of this week has been that the game, for us, is not about him begging for the key (in other words, begging for release and having an orgasm). It’s much more about working together towards this mutual goal that we have identified. It’s a different spin than what’s “traditional” or “typical” and it seems to be working well for us.
Of course, if I come home and find out he’s unlocked himself and rubbed one out in the shower, then I’ll be eating my words. LOL. I’ll keep everyone posted.
This Post Has Nothing To Do With Chastity September 23, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings, Opinions.
Tags: Dan Savage, It Gets Better Project, youth suicide
I just needed to get that out there. If you read this blog only for the chastity stuff, you might want to pass this post by. On the other hand, I know that many of my readers are married couples with children, so I hope you’ll give me five minutes of your time.
Youth suicide is a major problem in the US. It is the third leading cause of death among young people ages 10-24. The trouble is, many adults don’t realize the extent of the problem because the media have taken the position of not publicizing suicides as news, because by doing so, they may encourage other young people to take their lives. Whether or not this is true is a debatable point but the unfortunate outcome is that youth suicide has become a hidden problem—and by being hidden, many people are able to pretend it doesn’t exist (or are oblivious to its existence).
Deaths from youth suicide are only part of the problem. More young people survive suicide attempts than actually die. A nationwide survey of youth in grades 9-12 in public and private schools in the United States (US) found that 15% of students reported seriously considering suicide, 11% reported creating a plan, and 7% reporting trying to take their own life in the 12 months preceding the survey. Each year, approximately 149,000 youth between the ages of 10 and 24 receive medical care for self-inflicted injuries at Emergency Departments across the US.
Suicide affects LGBTQ youth disproportionately and gay teens are more than four times more likely to attempt suicide than straight teens. Nine out of ten gay kids experience bullying and harassment at school. This is a particularly personal issue for me. My daughter came out to Ab and me as bisexual when she was 15. She has had many challenging years dealing with suicidal thoughts, depression, and self-harm behaviors (she was a cutter). Fortunately, with a lot of love, support, and therapy, she made it out of high school in one piece. She’s in college now—happy and loving every minute. She hasn’t had a depressive episode in over a year.
High school is a particular kind of hell that young people are forced to go through. Unfortunately, not all children are as lucky as my daughter.
Recognizing this, Dan Savage, the sex advice columnist, has launched a video project called “It Gets Better.” The purpose is to reach out to LGBTQ youth and let them know that there is a life after high school—there is a world where you won’t be bullied or harassed. When you are living in the moment, it’s hard to believe there is another kind of life; the purpose of this project is to illustrate that yes, that other life is out there waiting for you—it’s just around the corner and my daughter exists as living proof that this is true.
While is project is directed towards LGBTQ youth, I think that all kids (and parents) can benefit from watching the video and becoming aware. Like I said at the beginning, suicide is a problem for all young people as well as their parents and the other adults in their lives. While I definitely want my bisexual daughter to grow up and have a happy life with the partner of her choice, I want the same for my decidedly heterosexual son, too.
This is the video that Dan and his husband Terry, have made. You can learn more about the It Gets Better Project here.
And now we’ll return to our regularly scheduled chastity programming.
Thanks for reading,