We’ve Come to the Sad Realization… August 31, 2010Posted by Dev in Devices, Musings.
Tags: Birdcage, devices, male chastity
No, Ab didn’t try to escape from it or something—as he says, he’s not Houdini—but the fact is that he only fills up about half of it.
If you look at the seriously sexy picture at Extreme Restraints, the model cock fills it out nicely. As my husband and I were on our impulsive buying spree, we looked at the picture, looked at him, and noticed we had a choice of “medium” or “large.” (I find it amusing that it is not offered in size small.) Well, from the minute it arrived, it was obvious that the guy in the picture is clearly more well endowed than my husband. His poor little cock looked cute, but obviously was not model caliber.
Interestingly, even with all that room, he still couldn’t get an erection that would fill the empty space. That must be the effect of the ring around his scrotum.
Anyway, even though it was big, the size did not really seem to be a problem, since it felt comfortable under his clothes. That is, until the weather changed.
We are having one of the warmest summers on record here in New England, so we have all been living in summer clothes and Ab has been wearing nothing but shorts. Then, last weekend, we hit a little bit of a cold spell, complete with rain. Out came his jeans from the bottom drawer where they have been packed away since June.
Suddenly, the Birdcage was not nearly as comfortable. He was busy adjusting it around and moving it and feeling much more self-conscious that it was visible in his pants. I assured him that it was not noticeable but he replied that as a long-term solution, this may not be the best device.
Okay, time to do some research. We actually didn’t do much research the first time but in the week since the Birdcage arrived we’d both been busy reading various blogs so we were ten times more knowledgeable than we had been before.
I like metal so I was very interested in the handcrafted devices from Mature Metal, in particular the Jail Bird. I liked the idea of the custom fit. Unfortunately, Ab balked at the price ($260). He felt, from reading various blogs, that going with one of the CB devices made more sense, at least at this stage of the game. We hemmed and hawed, looked at various devices, considered the pros and cons and in the end—went with the CB6000-S from Extreme Restraints. I am not entirely happy with the polycarbonate but I figure this is an interim step. Who knows, maybe I’ll have him back in metal by Christmas.
The one thing I know…I am not particularly fond of the way devices with belts look, so I don’t think we’ll be going down that route. I like the look of the solid metal sheaths which is what got me turned on in the story I read (see that post here). But I also like being able to touch a bit of skin.
Decisions, decisions! LOL. The CB hasn’t arrived yet so we are still in Birdcage-land. As we have more experience, I’ll post our impressions. Meanwhile, comments on what people have used and enjoyed are welcome.
Review: Be Careful What You Wish For August 31, 2010Posted by Dev in Reviews.
Tags: book review, male chastity, Sarah Jameson
Title: Be Careful What You Wish For
Author: Sarah Jameson
Length: 277 pages
Format: PDF (ebook); MP3 for audio
Rating: 5 stars out of 5
If you are considering male chastity or thinking about bringing it up with a loved one, this is certainly a fortuitous time, considering that Be Careful What You Wish For just hit the streets. The subtitle, “The ultimate guide to male chastity” certainly tells you all you need to know about what this book covers. Even the most casual Internet search will bring up Sarah Jameson, her blog (The Male Chastity Blog), her newsletter, and now, this book. She provides lots of useful information for free in the blog and newsletter; the book is worth purchasing because she compiles it all together in one place, adds new info, and presents it all in a neat, tidy, an organized package that is very easy to read.
If you are familiar with Sarah’s blog (and if you’re not, you should be), you know she has a friendly, open, and welcoming writing style that makes readers feel like they talking to Sarah one-on-one over a cup of tea. For the woman who is freaking out because her husband just said to her, “Honey, I want you to lock up my cock in a plastic or steel device for weeks, months…maybe years…,” Sarah provides a reassuring, “Don’t worry, dear…he’s not crazy and if you actually consider what he is asking, you may find your life changes dramatically…and for the better!”
The book is nicely organized with chapters, sub-chapters, and appendices that introduce the concept of male chastity, provide useful useful definitions, discuss the details such as “who is right for chastity?”, “how to introduce the idea” (and have the resulting conversation) and practicalities of living a chaste life on a day-to-day basis. The appendices (which I think are the weakest part of the book) delve into issues that go beyond chastity (slaves, cuckholding, BDSM); provide a sample contract and include resources on where to buy devices, fitness, and three (not particularly) titillating stories. The appendices are only about one-third of the book—what you are paying for, and the value that you get comes in the content proper where Sarah very clearly details—using her own experience and information gleaned from other resources—what living a male chastity lifestyle really means, for the man and woman (or man and man) who are interested in experiencing it. (As an aside, Sarah notes that she has not encountered female couples who are interested in chastity; I know that there are stone butch lesbians who live a sort of chaste life but their experience, from what I have read, is so far removed from a male chastity lifestyle that Sarah’s guide and its information would be of absolutely no use to that audience.)
Sarah identifies three potential audiences: 1) men who are interested in a chaste lifestyle and want to introduce the idea to their wife/partner; 2) women who have a man who has brought up the topic and want more information; and 3) women who want have their husband/man participate in chastity. Sarah and her husband John fall into group number one (which by her reckoning, is the largest); my husband and I are members of group number three (which according to Sarah, is a very rare group indeed! Oh well, I was never a conformist…LOL). While the book is written from her particular perspective and it is clear that that is what she knows, I still found lots of useful information that pertained to me and helped me understand the exploration that I am currently going through with my husband.
There is no empirical research on male chastity and a lot of what is out there is anecdotal, at best. I appreciated Sarah’s down-to-earth, honest and straightforward approach. Statements such as, “Chastity is a gateway kink,” (how very liberating to read that!) and the idea to approach chastity as a game—granted, a game that might go on for years or the rest of your lives but at the end of the day, it is just a game—work very well to defusing and de-weirding the whole concept of male chastity.
If you are a man who has been agonizing over the idea of chastity and how to bring it up to your partner, you would be wise to buy this book and read it from cover to cover (or listen to the MP3). Sarah very clearly details what chastity can and cannot do. If your marriage (or relationship) is a wreck and you cannot talk to your partner—or worse, the sight of you makes her skin crawl—bringing in chastity as a solution is not going to work. On the other hand, if your self-analysis after reading the book makes it seem that chastity is a viable and reasonable option, then Sarah provides details on how to have the conversation and move forward in exploring chastity. “Having the conversation” might be as simple as handing over the book and asking your loved one to read it. Like I said, the easy, conversational writing style will go a long way to defusing a potentially volatile conversation.
I am not the exact target audience that Sarah is writing to, but then, I don’t know if anybody is. We all come at our sexuality and sexual lives with all sorts of past experiences, traumas, dreams, and future hopes. The strength of the book is that it is written broadly enough—and in a non-judgmental, neutral way—to allow the majority of readers to find useful information that makes it well worth the purchase price of $30-$40.
Quotes from Ab: II August 30, 2010Posted by Dev in Quotes from Ab.
Tags: chastity, male chastity, orgasm denial
Maybe not really a quote, but more of a noise: a groan, a really loud groan when he woke up this morning, followed by a slightly agonized, “Ohhh……God…..”
This is the first time I’ve heard a noise of frustration. I could tell he was really missing his early morning “rub one out session” (which up until two weeks ago was an almost daily occurrence). I am not sure why it took so long for him to get to the exquisite agony stage of chastity. Sarah Jameson in her book, Be Careful What You Wish For, comments that it takes seven to ten days of “being denied before most men really start to show signs of being desperate to orgasm to the point where their entire behaviour starts to change” (p. 149). Maybe Ab just takes a little longer. Or maybe it is beginning to sink in on him that I’m serious. I told him the other day that he wasn’t going to get to orgasm until Halloween…he freaked at that and I relented and said October 12th (which I’ll probably change to October 9th since that’s a Saturday). Either way, he has the whole month of September to contemplate his orgasmless state. I suppose that’s enough to make any man groan.
BTW, I’ll be posting a review of Sarah’s book tomorrow. I read it on Saturday—very good stuff and useful information. Ab has it on his iPhone and is listening to the audio version, probably as I type this. I’ll be curious to hear what he thinks about it.
I Didn’t Expect This… August 30, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: Birdcage, chastity, female orgasm, male chastity, orgasm denial
Ab locked himself into the Birdcage on Monday, late in the day. Monday night we had a wonderful lovemaking session (which I have already written about). Tuesday and Wednesday were similar, minus the shave. My husband was totally devoted to my pleasure and my orgasms because, as he noted, that was the way he was going to derive his pleasure.
Thursday morning we woke up, grabbing at each other again (really, the two of us are acting like a couple of teenagers…and it’s GREAT). Suddenly, I had a pang of guilt. All this pleasure for me…was he really getting off on it? It sure seemed like he was but maybe he was faking it. I know a lot about faking orgasms, as you will come to learn in the future of this blog.
“Uh, sweetheart,” I said, “if you want to take the cage off for a little old fashioned fucking, that would be fine with me.”
He paused and looked down at this cock, slightly straining against the metal that bound it in. “Well, maybe…” he said.
“It’s up to you.”
“Actually, no, it’s up to you,” he said. “You are the one who controls my orgasms now. My cock belongs to you.”
Whoa…I didn’t expect that! “Seriously?” I asked.
“Seriously,” he nodded.
“All right then…how about, you can take it off, and you can come…and then if you want, you can leave it off for the day. But I want it back on and locked up by the time I get home from work tonight.”
Ab thought about that for a second. “I think I’d rather wear it today,” he said. “I’ll take it off now but leave the cock ring on. And then I can put it back on when we are done.”
And that’s what he did. Without the cage, but with the ring he was able to achieve a modest erection and the resulting orgasm was mild. He wasn’t complaining but I got the feeling that could’ve lived without it. I almost got the feeling that he was going along with my suggestion to please me and assuage my guilty conscience rather than having any driving desire for his own personal orgasm.
It was a revelatory moment and one I didn’t expect. But it went a long way to helping me understand—and truly believe—that his desire is to please me. He has been saying this to me for several years, but now I have empiric proof that it is true.
No more guilty pangs for me. And the cage has been on continuously since that brief respite. Twelve days and counting.
The Key is on my Nipple Ring August 29, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: breast health, chastity lifestyle, key holder, nipple rings, piercings
So I have added a picture to the sidebar of my key on its chain on my nipple ring. Pretty, isn’t it? I think so.
Lots of women write that they wear the key to their husband’s/partner’s lock on a chain around their neck. Practical, yes, but I have an extra bit of sexy jewelry, so why not take advantage of it? I was rummaging around in my jewelry box and found the little gold chain that I am using—it is a bracelet that was given to me years ago by a friend, but I never wore it much because it seemed so thin and delicate. Now I have found the perfect use.
I wanted to get my nipples pierced for ages but kept waffling (okay, chickening out). Finally, one day in 2006, I screwed up my courage. There is a piercing and tattoo studio that I drive by everyday on my way to and from work. On this particular day (August 16th, which happened to be the 29th anniversary of Elvis Presley’s death), I stopped on the way home from work, marched in and said, “I want to get my nipples pierced.”
The guy at the cash register gave me a ho-hum look, took my $35 and pointed to the waiting area.
Lots of folks wax rhapsodically about their piercers; that wasn’t my experience. The fellow took me into the room, told me to pull up my shirt and then, measure-measure-pierce-pierce, insert jewelry. Not so exciting. I had a 14 g captive bead steel ring in each nipple. Ordinary, but functional.
Healing was a breeze. Anyone thinking about piercing their nipples remember that sea salt salt water soaks are your friend. Two to three times a day for two to three weeks and you should be all set.
One year later, I ordered up some lovely gold segment rings from Tribalectic—nice folks there, although it looks like they might not sell the gold rings anymore, which is a shame. I went back to the piercing shop to have them insert the jewelry because, yeah, I’m a wimp. I’ve been wearing them now for three years without any problems and I think they look just lovely.
To any ladies who might be reading this: if you are wondering about nipple rings and mammograms, be assured that you do not need to take them out for a mammogram film. The first time I went after having them pierced, the technician asked if I could remove them. I simply said, “I prefer not to,” and that was the end of the discussion. Since then I’ve had five or six mammos and it has never come up again. So please, don’t let a desire for pierced nipples stand in the way of good breast health. Mammograms do save lives!
Just To Be Clear August 29, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings, Opinions.
Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, male chastity
There is some seriously weird stuff out there on the Internet (not that this is news to anyone) and blogs, forums, and websites that discuss male chastity are no exception. My husband and I are exploring male chastity for a variety of reasons, but I want to make it clear from the outset that there are (alleged) aspects of the lifestyle that not goals for us. In particular:
1. I have no interest in having my husband become a sissy, be sissified, or become a feminized man. I am not going to turn him into an “adult baby” who wears diapers, sucks on a pacifier, and sleeps in a crib. Likewise, I will not be asking him to wear a bra, panties, garter belt/girdle, nylons, high heels or women’s dresses.
My husband is a man and I intend to have him stay that way.
2. I will not be turning my husband into a “maid” or “slave.” Regarding the latter in particular: the thought of him crawling around the house on his hands and knees, drinking from a dog bowl, or sitting at my feet—the image is repugnant to me and certainly will not exist in our reality. My husband is a kind and courteous person who already does the majority of the cleaning, laundry, cooking, yardwork, and grocery shopping in our day-to-day lives. I don’t expect this to change and I don’t expect the dynamic to change that he does these things because he is a slave, maid, or submissive. If he becomes more caring and attentive to me (which is already happening) then that is a nice benefit, but it is not a step on a process to becoming an enslaved person.
3. I do not expect my husband’s cock to become a limp, flaccid, useless appendage, nor will I be exploring castration for him, either chemical or surgical. I like my husband’s cock, thank you very much, and I have no intention of it disappearing from our lives completely, particularly in regard to its sexual function. In fact, one of the reasons we are exploring male chastity is to improve the quality of his erections and ejaculatory orgasms, not eradicate them completely.
4. I will not be finding a lover or other man to “service” me or provide penetrative sex in the absence of my husband doing so. My husband loves me and knows how to please me and give me sexual satisfaction—typically, without penetrative intercourse. If my desire to feel a man inside me is so great and overwhelming, then all I need to do is take his device off and ask him to do so and he will. The thought of him standing by, watching me have sex with another man while his cock is rendered “useless” by a chastity device—let’s just say, that’s not a turn on.
We both believe that sex is an important part of our lives and it’s also a lot of fun. Male chastity, in the context of our lives, is partly a game but also a way to sort through and explore some issues that have become more clear to us in recent weeks. That is what I will be posting about on this blog. If you want to read about adult babies, sissies, slaves, or cuckholded men, then you’ll need to go somewhere else because that’s not going to be happening here.
Thanks for understanding.
The First Night August 28, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: chastity, female orgasm, male chastity, no fucking, orgasm denial, shaving, vibrator
Like I said, Ab met me in the driveway with the news that he locked himself into the Birdcage about five hours prior. Of course, I was full of all sorts of questions, which he was very happy to answer because, yeah, this is a new experience for both of us and it was seriously turning us both on. So very cool.
“I got out of the shower,” says Ab, “and just couldn’t wait.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “I hope that’s okay.”
“Of course it is,” I replied. “It gave you a few hours to get used to it. So…” I ventured. “Any thought of taking it off?”
He shook his head. “No. I like the way it feels. It’s kind of pulling on my balls and it’s…hot.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “And did this hot feeling start immediately?”
“It sure did…and I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t masturbate and I didn’t want to look at porn but I was feeling all horny and restless…”
“So what did you do?” I asked.
“Cleaned the house…”
Cleaned the house…oh my. Such a good use for excess energy!
We talked all through dinner and all this talk about cocks and cages had us both panting, so as soon as the dishes were cleaned up, we were dashing for the bedroom.
“What can I do for you, my love?” said my sweet husband, pausing by the side of the bed.
It suddenly hit me…here we are, horny as hell, and no fucking! A world of possibilities opened before me.
“Um,” I said, a little tentative. “A pussy shave?”
(A little aside here…I love having a smooth pussy and I love having it shaved, but I don’t like to do it myself, since it is hard to see what I am doing and I always miss spots. I tried having it waxed, once, but that was a disaster as several of the hairs became ingrown—I ended up with a mass of very painful, little red bumps that took almost a year to resolve. Sigh…).
“Sure,” says Ab. “That sounds like a great idea.” He scurried off to get the supplies and I got comfy, thinking to myself that there was a reason I had bought the giant 3 pak of Edge gel at Sam’s Club a few days before, even though I didn’t know the reason at the time.
I got a nice, long, slow, sensuous shave, followed by a nice pussy massage with our favorite almond oil. That progressed to a nice breast worshipping session (my husband loves my breasts—I’ll write more about that at another time). Then—after all that—the vibrator came out and ah, bliss…an orgasm for me. We fell asleep snuggling and cuddling.
A girl could get used to this…
Quotes from Ab: I August 27, 2010Posted by Dev in Quotes from Ab.
Tags: Birdcage, male chastity
As we’ve gone through the past ten days of confinement, my darling husband has come up with a few memorable quotes, which I’ll share on an ongoing basis. This is from the other night…
I find that sometimes I wake up in the night and roll over and reach for his confined cock. I like the feel of the metal cage and I like to gently massage his balls. The other night, when I did this, he said, “You can check if you want, but I’m not Houdini. I’m not getting out of this thing…”
Can a book change your life? August 25, 2010Posted by Dev in Musings.
Tags: Birdcage, chastity, chastity lifestyle, male chastity, orgasm denial
Especially if it’s not a particularly great book?
I review books for a couple of different websites. A few weeks ago, I was sent Toybox: Cage which is a collection of three short stories that feature the common theme of men with their cocks in “cages.” The stories were fair, but the whole notion of locking up someone’s cock and denying them orgasms intrigued me. The middle story, The Feel of Steel, was the one I liked best. In this one, the first person narrator is eagerly waiting for Friday evening when his Master, Big Boy, lets his cock go free before another week of being locked up. On this particular Friday, Big Boy has a treat for his sub: a brand new cage—a beautiful, shiny metal sheath which is far superior to the plastic one he had been wearing previously.
Even though the story was just okay, the description of his sheath intrigued me and I found myself surfing the web and looking at pictures of various types of various cages, which I quickly learned are more commonly known as male chastity devices (a nicer name, I think).
I couldn’t get the story out of my head and kept thinking about my own husband. Would this be something he’d be interested in? Would he consider wearing a chastity device?
On Friday evening, after a glass or two of wine, I pulled up the Extreme Restraints website and showed him the picture of the Birdcage chastity device. I picked this one because it reminded me of the story, being metal. I also liked the vertical lines.
“What do you think?” I asked.
“It looks a little scary…but it’s also hot.”
“That’s what I was thinking,” I replied.
I told him about the stories and some of the reading I had done about chastity and orgasm denial. This wasn’t a totally new idea (which I will elaborate on in later posts) but the idea of using a device for this purpose was intriguing…and like I said before, seriously hot for both of us.
Somewhat impetuously, we clicked on the order button. No returns, no refunds…did we just throw away $150? Well, maybe we did but in the big scheme of things, it’s not that much money.
Flash forward to Monday. I work late on Mondays and Thursdays, usually arriving home at about 9 pm. My darling Ab always comes out to the car to greet me and carry in my bags. On this Monday, he handed me two tiny keys. “Don’t lose these,” he said.
At first I was puzzled. “What’s this?” I asked.
“It arrived today,” he said, looking down at his crotch.
Whoa! Order late Friday night and it arrives on Monday? I guess the $15 I paid for shipping was worth worth it.
“You’re wearing it already?”
He nodded. “I hope you don’t mind…I opened the box to look at it and when I got out of the shower…well, it seemed like a good time to put it on.”
“All right then,” I said. “And these are the keys…” My voice trailed off.
Ab nodded. He peeked open his fly and showed me the little Masterlock glinting against the metal.
I was seriously turned on, right there in the driveway.
I asked a bunch of questions: how hard was it to put on? How did it feel? Was it heavy? Uncomfortable? The answers: it was a little bit hard to put on but once he figured out the mechanics, it was fine. It feels a little strange, but not a bad strange. Yes, it’s heavy, but not uncomfortable. His summary, “After five hours of being locked up, I’m liking this…”
That was Monday, August 16th. Except for a very brief 30 minute period on Thursday, August 19th he has been wearing it continuously—he is on his twelfth day of confinement. And if I may say, he is loving it. As am I.
To be continued…