The damn bed is leaking! December 11, 2011
Posted by Dev in Devices.Tags: mattress
4 comments
Ab and I have a waterbed–not one of those with a big bag of water but a series of water filled cylinders. I think there are about 10 of the cylinders laying side-by-side in their foam enclosure. Every now and then, one of the cylinders springs a leak. It doesn’t cause the bed to becoming a soaking mess–it is more insidious. This morning I woke up with a damp spot beneath my hip and I just said, “Oh, noooo….”
We’ve had this style bed since 1986. This is our second mattress/tube/etc. set up. It seems that way back when they were all the rage but now the various manufacturers have all gone out of business. I used to be able to zoom to the furniture store that’s just up the road to get replacement cylinders but not anymore. Thank God for the Internet where one is able to find obscure and hard to obtain items. I found a place in Florida selling the tubes. This time–thinking ahead–I ordered three. Hopefully that will hold us for awhile.
I said to Ab that maybe we should break down and get a “regular” mattress so we wouldn’t have to deal with this sort of problem in the future. He pointed out–correctly–that that could turn into a major “mushroom factor.” Mushroom factor, you ask? You know–we get a new mattress, then realize we need a new bed, then realize we need to replace the carpet in the bedroom, then realize we need to re-paint and re-paper the walls, then realize we need to redo the electricity…
He’s right. So, the fan is blowing on the bed, trying to dry out the mattress. We’ll sleep on fewer tubes while we wait for the new ones to arrive. And perhaps, we should be less enthusiastic when it comes to sex. I knew it was that damn Sawzall that made us spring a leak!
The Kinky Kings — Redux December 11, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: just for fun, kinky
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I posted this last year but I thought it was worth reprising. The Kings have made another appearance on our dining room table and they are still up to their bad boy ways. Makes me wonder what they were doing while they were in storage for the past 11 months. 
~~~
The Kinky Kings
a slightly risque photo essay by Dev
We haven’t done much in the way of Christmas decorating here in the Devoted Lover household–too busy testing Humblers and so on–but the three Kings have made an appearance on our dining room table.
We three Kings of Orient are
Bearing gifts we traverse afar
Field and fountain, moor and mountain
Following yonder star.
They looked so innocent while they were just walking along, but I could tell, the minute they stopped to take a break
they were eyeing each other…
The King in green, who turned out to be Melchior, had a particularly devilish gleam in his eye. The minute my back was turned, he made a beeline for the black bearded one. “Got a kiss for daddy?” he purred.
The little guy was shocked–SHOCKED!–at what his two compatriots were up to and discreetly turned away. But when he heard robes rustling and positions shifting, curiosity got the better of him.
His eyes widened like saucers. “What are you…what are you…?” he stammered, hardly believing what he saw.
The black-bearded King pulled himself off the green guy’s cock for a second, and glared at the little guy. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer,” he snapped. “Melchior and I aren’t putting on a show for you. Either join in the fun or go sit under that burning bush over there.”
“Yeah,” said Melchior. “Two kings are good, but three are better.”
The little guy didn’t need to be asked twice.
And thus the Kinky Kings were born…
Socks and Anal Hooks October 30, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: just for fun, toys
7 comments
I love shopping online. In fact, some days I wonder if I am becoming agoraphobic since I avoid going in stores. I rationalize this to myself because I am busy but I wonder if something else is going on? To be honest, I was never much of a shopper but now I find I don’t enjoy it at all. If I can buy something online, great. If not, I can do without.
Of course, I can buy just about anything my heart desires online! LOL.
This weekend represents a more-or-less normal online shopping weekend for the Devoted Lover household, ranging from the very sexy (an anal hook) to the completely banal (socks).
The anal hook first because I suspect that is what most readers are interested in. I read on jnuts blog about his wish for an anal hook and he had a link to one at Extreme Restraints. Ab and I enjoy ass play and this one caught my fancy. Saturday night, a few drinks, a little bit of “Why not?” and the credit card came out. Of course on Sunday morning I was kicking myself because I found the same damn thing on Amazon for less, plus no shipping! I could’ve saved $22 and gotten points on my credit card. Oh well, live and learn.
When the anal hook arrives, I’ll post a review. I suspect most readers don’t give a shit about the socks so I won’t bother with them.
More later….
Swinging Shenanigans in Southern Maine October 29, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: Dan Savage, fetish, news, swingers
7 comments
Isn't this the kinkiest place you've ever seen?
The paper has been all a-buzz this week with front page stories four days in a row–with two on Thursday–about swinger parties being held at a function hall in Sanford, Maine. Gasp! Can you imagine? Sex acts, people in the nude, doing God knows what near the food! It seems like the food was the most problematic issue, at least for some people. LOL.
Here are links to the various stories:
Sanford Orders Caterer to Stop Sex Parties at Banquet Hall (Tuesday)
Caterer Promises to Stop Sanford Sex Parties (Wednesday)
Caterer Tells Town Sex Parties Will Stop (Thursday)
Sex Parties Cause Banquet Hall Patrons to Flee (Thursday)
Fundraiser Moved Out of Sex Party Site (Friday)
Another view of the place where all kinds of kinky shit was going on!
It’s nice to know that the police and town officials are “keeping me safe” by imposing their Puritanical views on me (and everyone else) and assuming that we’d all be as appalled as they are about the notion of swinger parties behind held at night, behind closed doors, in a private venue. Guess what? I’m more appalled at their assumptions that I’d have a problem with this.
You’ve got to wonder how people’s minds work, though. Consider the following tidbit, published on Thursday.
Town officials are so concerned that residents may be offended at the prospect of voting where sex parties occurred that they are directing Ward 7 voters to cast ballots Nov. 8 at the Ward 3 polling place, at the St. Ignatius Gym on Riverside Avenue.
“Not knowing what might be present or how clean the hall might be, we moved the polling place in case anyone might be uncomfortable voting there,” said Town Clerk Sue Cote.
Seriously? Exactly what might be present? Cooties? A used condom? (Gasp!!). I imagine that the owners have a cleaning crew that comes in and knows how to wield a mop and squeegee. I would also hazard a guess that the place is more of a wreck after a wedding or raucous family reunion than it is after a swinger party.
Careful readers will note that the police and town officials fall back on their tried and true canard that it would never be the good people of Maine who would engage in such lascivious activities–of course it is folks from away, specifically Massachusetts. The police used their very best detective skills to ferret out that bit of evidence by looking at the license plates of the cars in the parking lot. They “all” were from Massachusetts. Again, seriously? Every last one? No horny kinky folks from New Hampshire? Or Maine? LOL.
Dan Savage had a very funny headline in his blog which I just had to share with you:
People Who Live In Massachusetts Are Big Fucking Sex Crazed Slut Monsters and Their Creepy Erections, Slutty Vaginas, Freaky Accents, and Parked Cars Are Totally Grossing Out the Good People of Sanford, Maine
You can read the whole thing here.
As someone said in the comments, I so hope that Jon Stewart picks this one up. 
What’s the Best Time to Have Sex? July 20, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: chastity lifestyle, press release, sex
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Regular readers of this blog know that Ab and I tend to enjoy sex in the early morning. I don’t know if it’s a function of age or what, but I usually feel so exhausted in the evening that I am often not in the mood. Even when we do like to fool around at night, I find it difficult to have an orgasm–maybe I’m thinking too much about falling asleep and not able to relax! Either way, I thought this press release that came across my desk was interesting.
~~
HILLSBOROUGH, N.C., July 19, 2011 /PRNewswire/ — Adam & Eve and AdamAndEve.com, (http://adamandeve.com/news), America’s most trusted source for adult products, are back with the latest results from their Great American Sex Survey. This time, they’ve asked what time of day adults prefer to have sex.
Not surprisingly, most adults (52%) prefer to have sex during evening hours, followed by late night (47%), morning (33%) and afternoon (21%). What is interesting is that even though these are the preferred times to make love, the respondents said they actually have sex mostly during late night hours (48%), followed by evening (45%), morning (26%) and afternoon (13%).
Dr. Kat Van Kirk, Adam & Eve’s resident sex expert, attributes this differentiation between “preferring” and “doing” to the realities of daily life. Dr. Kat says, “If we were to examine our natural biorhythms, hormonally our highest time for arousal is early morning for men and afternoon for women. Unfortunately, sometimes people have sex because of their schedules… not when their bodies are actually most receptive.”
“Adam & Eve has a large line of products to help couples get in the mood for sex,” says Chad Davis, Marketing Director for Adam & Eve. “From sensual lubricants to romantic games, we offer a huge variety of items to enhance the lovemaking experience for both partners.”
The web-based survey, conducted by an independent third party survey company, of over 1,000 American adults age 18 and up, was sponsored by Adam & Eve to study sexual preferences and practices. “Sex Chat with Dr. Kat” can be found on podcasts through iTunes or www.drkat.com.
For more information about Adam & Eve, visit their website at http://www.adamandeve.com/news. For additional information on Adam & Eve, please contact Adam & Eve Director of Public Relations Katy Zvolerin at 919.644.8100 x 3121 or katy@adameve.com.
The Oneida Community: Chaste and Happy in the 1860s June 11, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, history, women and chastity
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I am listening to Assassination Vacation by Sarah Vowell which is very entertaining as well as funny, and came across an interesting tidbit about the Oneida Community which existed in upstate New York from 1849 to 1879. It was a religious community, with utopian ideals–not terribly unusual for that time. It was started by John Humphrey Noyes, a Vermonter who attended Dartmouth, Andover, and the Yale Divinity School.
The thing that caught my attention was the doctrine of “male continence,” or, having sexual intercourse without ejaculation. Noyes was no dummy–he was a college graduate, after all. He realized that if you had sex with a woman and ejaculated, she could very likely become pregnant. His wife had five difficult pregnancies and four of the children died in childbirth so he really didn’t want to put her through that again. But he also realized that sex was fun and he didn’t want to give it up completely. So what to do? How about, hold back the seed? Of course, he couched all this in religious terms but we chaste folks know what “no coming” really is.
They also believed in equality of the sexes and for the women this was very advantageous, especially in the sex department, because, guess what? Women were supposed to have as much fun as men! In Dev-speak, this would be the principle of “My pleasure is your pleasure.” In other words, when the man was busy not coming, he was also busy making sure the woman had an orgasm or two. Works for me!
John Humphrey Noyes
A third principle was that of Complex Marriage, which when translated into modern terms would be equivalent to “open marriage.” That is, sex with a person not your spouse was okay. They had an interesting way of operationalizing this, however. Remember that the men needed to learn “male continence” and for young men, this could take considerable time and effort to learn how to do it properly. If they were busy having sex with young, fertile women the risk of pregnancy was high. So, instead, they had them go and refine their technique with the older, post-menopausal women (the “Oneida cougars”? LOL) where the chance of pregnancy was nil. Likewise, the older guys who were continent-proficient had sex with the young women to teach them all about being multi-orgasmic.
We’ll just turn our heads on the fact that all this teaching and initiation stuff began when the young people were about 14…it was the old days, after all.
Not surprisingly, male continence was effective as a community-wide method of birth control. In a 20 year period, out of a community of 250 people, only 40 children were born.
Like all utopian societies, this one eventually fizzled, mostly because Noyes’ son, an agnostic, wasn’t interested in continuing his father’s religious beliefs. And somehow or another, for reasons that Vowell did not completely explain, they got into making dishes and flatware, an industry that continues to this day.
* * * * *
I didn’t intend to take a five week sabbatical from posting here, but May turned into a month that was completely out of my control. Things are slowly getting back on track and I am looking forward to sharing my thoughts again, on a regular basis. Thanks to everyone who wrote me privately to ask if Ab and I were okay. Yes, we are and we appreciate your support and kindness. Thanks and hugs to all!
April Orgasm Glass Round-Up May 1, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: orgasm glass, women and chastity
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Hard to believe another month has zipped by! The total coins in the glass this month: 41 cents in the form of 3 dimes, 1 nickel, and 6 pennies. Two of the dimes came, as I have previously mentioned, right at the beginning of the month when we were in San Francisco. The third dime was just a day or two ago and the other coins were sort of here and there.
Note that there aren’t any quarters or francs. In other words, no orgasms for Ab which means his last one was back at the beginning of March. A nice long stretch…:-) When he reads this, he’ll probably start complaining.
This has actually been a low libido and low sexual activity month for both of us. A number of factors seemed to contribute to that, including a bit of a letdown when we got home from our California trip (retrophobia), a month of rain which would get anybody down, being very busy with work, and last but not least, a new dog. We had a new rescue poodle come live with us on April 9th. She’s doing well and adjusting, but even so, I am reminded that having a new family member, whether human, canine, or feline, will throw anybody’s schedule in disarray. All of these factors knocked us off kilter for a few weeks.
In the “off kilter” stage, Ab decided he wanted to take a little device vacation. He asked me about this but went ahead and did it without really getting an answer from me. Things were okay at first but by day 6 I felt like his attention wasn’t as focused on me as it has been–and as I have come to expect and enjoy. A few sharp words passed between us but the outcome was that he did lock up the next day. He commented that 95% of the time the device is very comfortable and he forgets he is wearing it, but the 5% when it pinches (or whatever) can be very annoying. So…it’s clear that this is a continuing journey to figure out what exactly is right for us, which reinforces to me that what is right for us probably is only us. Chastity is as varied as the couples that practice it.
I am looking forward to May. After a month of rain (April showers) it seems that spring has finally arrived. Ab opened the porch over the past few days (two screens needed to be repaired) and we’ve spent some time out there. I remember the hot days last August sitting out there, reading about chastity on the computer and considering whether we wanted to give this a try. Nine months later it appears that our “try” is successful and ongoing, but we’re still learning. Which I have to admit, is part of the fun!
Mammogram Day! April 29, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: breast health, nipple rings, women and chastity
2 comments
Yesterday was my annual mammogram. One of those annual rituals that women of a certain age get to go through…LOL.
I got my nipples pierced in August. That particular year, I had my mammogram in July (actually, I had it in July for years because that’s my birthday month. But somewhere along the way I got off schedule and now I have it in April). It took me ages to get my courage up to get my nipples pierced but being just a few weeks post-mammogram was a motivator. I knew I would face questions from the technician and perhaps be told I had to take the jewelry out. I was glad to have eleven months to prepare for that eventuality.
When my first post-piercing mammo rolled around, the tech did ask about the rings and suggested that perhaps I should remove them? I said I’d rather not because I didn’t have the right tool with me (at that point I still had the original captive bead ring that was put in when they were pierced). She said, “Well, okay, but if the radiologist has any problems reading the film or they interfere with the mammogram in any way, you WILL have to remove them.”
Guess what? No problems at all. The rings show up as little circles that stick out from my nipple but really have no impact on the overall mammogram.
By the time of post-piercing mammogram #2 I had my gold rings in. For that one, the technician commented on how pretty they were. No more talk of taking them out.
Last year I had to switch mammogram facilities, due to change in where my gynecologist was working and insurance regulations. They obtained all my old films so of course they saw the rings but I was curious if the new tech would say anything. I actually can’t remember what happened last year so obviously it was no big deal. Yesterday the tech (same woman, as I recall) said, “Still have your nipple rings in?” and I said yes. That was that and we proceeded to talk about the lovely view out of the window of the mammogram room. (This is probably one of the very few mammogram facilities in the world that has an ocean view!)
I haven’t gotten a callback telling me I need to come in for an ultrasound or biopsy, so it seems that all is fine for another year. Phew!
For any women reading this (or for men reading who have loved ones with breasts) remember, mammograms do save lives! I know there is controversy about when to begin and how often. My personal belief is to have a baseline at age 40; frequency after age 40 should be decided in consultation with your primary care provider and based on risk factors and family history. Once you reach age 50, plan on a mammogram annually.
Now that I know (once again) I have healthy breasts, I think I’ll plan to celebrate with letting Ab have some fun tonight–his favorite activity.
If You’ve Seen One Chastity Relationship… April 15, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: chastity lifestyle, male chastity, vibrator, women and chastity
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…you’ve seen one chastity relationship. In other words, it’s not a case of, “If you’ve seen one, you’ve seen them all.”
This thought occurred to me today when I received a nice email from a very new keyholder—20 days locked up for her husband. She wrote:
I love everything about it but I’m confused as to how controlling and dominant role I should play. Can you please give me some insight as to how to continue with this lifestyle?
I was flattered to be asked and wanted to give her a good, helpful response. As I thought about it, I realized that don’t know how controlling and dominant a role she should play. That’s something that each couple needs to experiment with and find out on their own.
Now that I have met—in person—another chaste couple, this point was driven home even more for me. L, K, Ab, and I have lots of things in common, including our conceptualization of chastity. But we don’t operationalize it the same way. L goes for very long periods locked, without a single break (he should be up to about six weeks, now, if my math is correct). K is in total charge of the key and L has no idea where it is. Contrast that with us where I have gotten away from micro-managing Ab’s Watchful Mistress. The expectation is that he’ll be locked the majority of the time; if perchance he is out of his device (for bathing or just a little break due to discomfort) that doesn’t mean he can have an orgasm. He knows those are strictly controlled by me.
Ab told me once that not having access to the screwdriver would be a game-changer (ie, changing us right out of the game. LOL). I know that for many women, the symbolism of having and controlling the key is extremely important and a large part of what motivates them to stay with chastity. Clearly my arrangement wouldn’t work for them but understanding this has been an important part of the learning process.
I’ve tried to make it clear in this blog that I am writing about our experience and journey with chastity. If some of my insights and new knowledge is helpful to others, great! But I don’t expect others to “do” chastity the way Ab and I do. For chastity to be effective and really work it has to be individualized and that applies to every dimension of the experience from type of device to duration of lock-up to styles of tease and denial. What works for me may not work for you…(although L did seem to enjoy my teasing technique! ).
So, to newcomer wife I offer these suggestions as you learn about chastity:
- Read widely but don’t take everything at face value. Remember that anyone can be anyone on the Internet and there are some “chastity imposters” out there who post their fantasies under the guise of real life.
- The Keyheld resource is a good place to start to find a variety of blogs that are pretty real and down-to-earth.
- The Chastity Forum is also a good resource full of real-life people.
- Talk to your husband. I can’t stress this enough. Good, honest, and open communication is crucial. How else are you going to figure out what’s working for both of you if you don’t talk about it?
- Remember that this is supposed to be fun. You may find some aspects of chastity are life changing and that’s a little amazing, but don’t lose your sense of humor in the process.
- If you don’t own one already, go and buy yourself a Hitachi and have your husband learn to use it effectively. In fact, just start thinking about toys in general. This is part of the fun.
Last but not least (and yes, I am going to blow my own horn)—I hope you’ll take time to peruse this blog. Please feel free to leave comments and if you want to send me questions privately, either through the Feedback page or via email, please do. I started writing this in large part because I did not see good resources out there for women and I wanted to do my little bit to change that. I hope you find the information helpful!
Good luck on your journey!
Sometimes You’re Just Not in the Mood April 9, 2011
Posted by Dev in Musings.Tags: chastity lifestyle, chastity outcomes, male chastity
6 comments
I think it is fair to say that Ab and I both have quite active libidos and we’re pretty well matched in the sex drive department. I think a mismatch is a source of stress and conflict for many couples; I am grateful that we don’t have that problem.
That said, it doesn’t mean that we both want to have sex all the time or always at the same time. I can think of times in the past where I would pull the, “Not tonight, honey, I have a headache,” routine. Actually, the more likely scenario was that I would pretend to be asleep as a way to discourage his advances.
That, thankfully, hasn’t happened in ages. One great thing that chastity has done for is make us much more honest with each other about our wants, needs, and desires. Of course, we’re still not 100% in sync about when we want to play around. That would be unrealistic, for any couple, including us. Even so, I’ve realized in the past few weeks that when one or the other of us demurs from having sex, we are able to do so in a loving, polite, and respectful way, which is a far cry from fake headaches and feigning sleep. And that, overall, is a very good thing indeed.
As an example: last Saturday, when we were in San Francisco, Ab woke himself up with a little suckling, which is one of his favorite things to do. It felt good but it wasn’t giving me that twinge of “I want more” that I usually get. His hand moved across my body in his very practiced and familiar way. He played a little and was patient but I just didn’t respond. After a few minutes he stopped. I was a little surprised at that and asked why. He said, “I could tell you weren’t into it. Your mind seemed to be a million miles away.” He was right. Last Saturday was my big day of work and I was keyed up about that—more so than I realized. But my body could tell and it was clear that the pleasure synapses weren’t making it through from the nerve endings to my brain and vice versa.
But it was all okay. He wasn’t annoyed that I didn’t put out and I wasn’t annoyed about any unwanted advances. We both just acknowledged where we were at the moment.
Fast forward one week. It’s Saturday and we’re back at home. Today is the day the new rescue poodle comes to live with us. On top of that, Ab is suddenly very busy at work. He has a ton of stuff to sand and his hand has been cramping. Early this morning, we’re lying together, just quietly talking, and he keeps clenching and unclenching his fist. I reach over and take his hand and give him a hand massage. He thanked me, said that felt good. Then my hand shifts to his cock cage and I proceed with changing the hand massage to a cock and ball massage. Ab doesn’t flinch away or anything but he also doesn’t seem to have any sort of reaction—no “tree trunk erection” as I have nicknamed it. After a few minutes I comment on this and he says, yeah, he’s just not focused this morning, he has other things on his mind. “That’s okay,” I say. “There will be other times.”
So, it seems that maybe we’ve discovered another hidden benefit of chastity. We’ve become very relaxed about sex. It’s comfortable and natural and very good for us. When it happens—which is often—it’s great. When it doesn’t, that’s okay too.
I’ve read about many couples who argue about sex and discover chastity as a way to deal with that problem. That wasn’t an issue for us. Still, even though things were good, I’ve realized another way that chastity is making our sex life and, in turn, our life overall, even better. Funny how that works.
